How Speaking Only Kind Words Changed My Life
by Alison Cebulla
May 2012 I was at a party at a friend’s house and I set my purse down in the living room thinking it was a safe space. Later in the evening I discovered that someone at the party had gone through my purse and stolen $200 cash, my iPhone, and my digital camera. Rather than ask “why did this happen to me?” which is question to which there is no fulfilling answer, I thought “how can I use this experience to transform myself in some way so that I don’t feel terrible about it?”
I thought about the fact that my possessions were stolen at a party amongst trusted friends and what that symbolized for me. Was I always so good to my friends? I realized that more often than not I put down friends behind their backs with mean words and often gossiped about them. This was not friendship and it was not kindness. Would it be possible to stop saying mean things about people? What would I talk about? What would happen to me if I stopped gossiping? I started envisioning a 6-month quest to see if I could change this habit of speaking nasty words.
Truthfully I felt nervous about this challenge. I was so used to speaking negatively and gossiping that I wasn’t sure I could do it. My friends and family were not supportive—they didn’t think I could or should do it. They thought I was crazy and were nervous about how this would affect our interactions and relationships. “But what are we going to talk about if we’re not trash-talking other people?” one close friend remarked, worried that maybe this would mean the end of our friendship.
I set up the website with a launch date of 6/6/12 and asking for pledges in increments of $6 ($12, $24, $30, etc) to help me recover my lost funds and possessions (worth about $600). In exchange I would say nothing bad about anyone including myself for 6 months. If I slipped up and said something mean, I had to pay whoever I was talking to $1 on the spot. I got about $400 in pledges and my parents replaced my digital camera so I did meet my goal. The monetary pledges were an important piece because they made me keep my pledge. I had financial backers and I couldn’t let them down by abandoning the challenge.
I started blogging about my challenge on www.kindnesschallengeblog.com and posting my updates to my personal Facebook page. A funny thing happened that I wasn’t expecting: people started to think of me whenever they thought about kindness. I started to get near daily texts and emails about acts of kindness. “This made me think of you so thought I’d share it!” Over the period of a few months I went from being cynical, negative, and gossipy, to the first person people thought in relation to kindness. All of the sudden my life was flooded with positivity and loving-kindness! I started a Facebook page to post these kind inspirations that people were sending me. The more kindness I put out into the world, the more magically poured into my life.
And then I realized just how much we are responsible for creating the world in which we want to live. We are magnets for the energy we put out there. Do you find yourself complaining any of the following statements?
“Everyone is so negative.”
“The world is going to hell in a hand basket.”
“My coworkers are so lame.”
“It’s impossible to date. Men are stupid.”
“This town is the worst.”
“People are so mean to me.”
“Nobody treats me with respect.”
If you do find yourself saying these things regularly, it’s time for a reality check: YOU are creating these realities. Once you change your mind, your words, and your thoughts, your reality will follow. Try these:
“I am so grateful for the people in my life.”
“I love my work.”
“Meeting people is easy and fun.”
“I enjoy the playful process of dating. There are so many interesting men out there and not possibly enough time to connect with all of them.”
“There are so many treasures in this town to discover and appreciate.”
“I haven’t been getting the respect I want so I need to make sure I’m extra respectful and appreciative to others.”
If you change the words that leave your lips from negative to positive, your thoughts will soon follow and your life will undergo a 180-degree transformation—I promise! “If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.” If you want better things to come into your life, you have to go balls-out and try something crazy. I did, and it changed my life. I’m happier, healthier, more positive, attracting and meeting inspiring people all the time, doing bigger and better projects, getting fulfilling work, and living with passion. The most important part of this transformation has been realizing that I’m capable of doing whatever I give my attention. I used to think that the things I really wanted were out of reach. Now I know I can create whatever I want. I’m capable of change through dedication and intention.
You too can take the Kindness Challenge! I’m leading a group until June 30th. Sign up here: http://www.kindnesschallengeblog.com/take-the-kindness-challenge/
Alison Cebulla lives in New York City and has blogged about kindness for 2 years.
She works in marketing for tech startup Trustlr, building communities and exploring how people trust.
She facilitates workshops to build connection and trust and help people get in touch with their intuition. She is also a public speaker on issues of health and transformation.
Visit www.kindnesschallengeblog.com and www.trustlr.com to learn more.
Contact Alison at alison.cebulla@gmail.com
Kindness Blog 
Reblogged this on Glenda the Good Foodie and commented:
This challenge is great for a healthy life
You in??
I’m in!
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
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Thank you for this challenge
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How has the challenge been going for you Glenda?
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It’s been good. I have to start with how I talk to me and that makes s difference in how to talk to others ! Thanks for asking
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You can ALSO go the other way around–being kind to others and it will rub off on how you talk to yourself! 🙂
I’ve started making a daily list. “Alison Kicked A$$ Today” with all the stuff I accomplished. Even small stuff like “Asked the roommate to take out the trash instead of being passive aggressive.” It helps. 🙂 Good luck!
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Try something crazy – try kindness.
Great and simple words.
It’s delightful to hear about your transformation, and that you’re helping others.
Welcome to a much more real world.
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Thanks!
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Great post. The only thing truly in your control is how you react to information. For example, if you do not take offense, you are not offended. If you wake up saying today is going to be a great day, you have a better chance of having one. Thanks for sharing your story and lessons. BTG
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Spot on! Our freedom, our choice, is not in what happens but in how we respond to it.
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I love this! A year ago, I started a similar challenge for myself and haven’t looked back since, at least to be more optimistic about my life and more kind to others. It’s been a beautiful experience. Keep up the great work!
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Thank you!
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A really great challenge, congratulations!
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Thank you!
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Reblogged this on hopeandloveradio.
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Thank you!
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What a beautiful story! One thing I’d like to add: it takes more energy to be negative than to be positive. So, relax and enjoy the positive, and use the extra energy to do the positive things in your life.
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Kindness is a reality almost always overlooked by most in their lives! But when they practice it there a blossoming which surely will come and touch their lives…seeking a place to close nearby…kindness is so full of selfless, genuine, caring love…the type which does not look for anything in return…and they get a blessing in sharing from God’s loving touch…excellent post Alison…you have sowed many seeds of change here! God bless and have a wonderful weekend!
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Thank you so much for the kind words Wendell!
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Reblogged this on Larkspur and Lily and commented:
What an amazing challenge! 🙂
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wow, so your purse being stolen was a blessing in disguise. Super story. Too many people seem to thrive on bad mouthing others or complaining.
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So true! But they’re not truly thriving..they’re suffering. 😦
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This is fantastic, thanks for sharing, It’s really made me think:-) Hugs, Harula xxx
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Thanks for the hugs! Back atcha!
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Reblogged this on seeking querencia and commented:
This post caught my attention because it caused me to pause and consider how often I make unkind comments and have unkind thoughts about other people. Perhaps, it is irrelevant to you guys and girls, and I applaud you for it. Now, if asked by people that I know, I am often described as kind because it is a quality that I strive to convey to those that I meet. Nevertheless, I can think of various instances where I unconsciously act contrary to the old adage “if you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything at all.” This post encourages me to recognize those instances, and change my behavior.
As always, blessings to you, Lydia
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How has this been going for you Lydia?
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Challenging. I am finding that it is my thoughts that may be the problem. It is forcing me to be mindful. Blessings, Lydia
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Dear Alison,
We had an hellacious storm and tornados touching down the might that a I tried to answer your question, so I am not sure whether my reply got through so her it is again: In a word, it has been challenging. I find that the not saying unkind things comes easier to me than, in some cases, not thinking unkind thoughts. I am working to be more mindful of that. Blessings, Lydia
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I always say, start with the words and the thoughts will follow!
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Reblogged this on A Daily Dose of Kindness and commented:
Here is a pretty motivating post on how what we put out into the world will shape our lives. By choosing to speak kindly and to have a positive attitude and outlook on life, we can better our lives.
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Reblogged this on Kindness Challenge and commented:
This is the guest blog I wrote for http://www.KindnessBlog.com
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Dear Alison
Thank you for this.
The phrase that leaps out is the simple one about changing the negative words that you speak to positive ones. This simple idea of reversing how you feel is echoed in all kinds of therapy and undoubtedly has great value. It’s a bit like bump starting a car when the battery is flat. It may not work every time but it will often get you started.
Thanks
Alex.
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Well yes, it’s one thing to WANT change but making a pledge to speak only kind words is ACTIONABLE! That’s the key!
Thanks for reading! 🙂
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Reblogged this on The BUTHIDARS and commented:
Though the actual blog is now out of date, the sentiments aren’t. How about starting to think kindly of others (and yourself) and paying a fine for charity when you slip up?
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Reblogged this on So, I Read This Book Today and commented:
What a wonderful Idea. . . we could all stand to be kinder to one another… Why Not Join?
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Reblogged!
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