On the Twenty-Third Day of December . . .

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This twenty-third day of December has left me physically and emotionally ill, making it difficult to focus on the goodness and light of this month and on writing this post.  So, please, accept my apologies for what I fear will not be one of my better written pieces.  Just like a gift, though, it’s the thought that counts right?!

Today found me not feeling physically well thanks to either a stomach virus and/or a flare up of my ulcerative colitis, with the upside being not having an appetite curbed my cravings for sugary holiday treats.  That said, I also am worried about being able to attend my family’s traditional Christmas Eve gathering and then being able to report to work at the day shelter for homeless men on Christmas Day. So fingers, and everything else, crossed that I make a speedy recovery.

The emotional unrest was courtesy of an anxiety attack.  The physical ailment definitely is preferable to the anxiety, as it leaves me feeling exhausted, ashamed, and defeated.  It also can evoke some harsh reactions from those who do not understand how debilitating anxiety can be, but I won’t focus on those people in this post.  I choose to focus on the people who show me the light when it gets dark.

Thankfully, I have a core group of people in my life who do understand what it is like when the anxiety overwhelms me, and when I reached out for their help this afternoon and into the evening, they grabbed my hand and held it during the worst moments.  Their kindness and compassion were the soothing balms that my weary soul needed, and I thank each of them for taking time from their own lives to help me navigate mine.  Tomorrow will certainly be better, as I get by with a little, and a lot of, help from my friends..

Just one thing each day . . ..

44 comments

  8. You are a very active person, always there for others and for your loved ones. Although we love to do that, it can be too much at times and our body looses its natural shelter. When we get sick it is a sign that we have to step back. It doesn’t always fit in our agenda and I understand your fear…. but we can’t help it. It is wonderful you have friends and understanding people round to help you. So try to lay back in order to give your body the necessary peace in order to recover. It will all be well! Send you much love!

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  9. It’s very sweet of you to share your troubles with us, and very brave. Holidays are a difficult time for me, so you have my sympathy in feeling worried about how you’ll get through this time of year, especially with all its expectations. One step at a time, I always say! 😃

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  15. Kristi, best wishes my friend. It is not uncommon for physical illness and weariness to perpetuate the feelings of anxiety when a lot is left to be done. You feel the weight of all the tasks and it leaves you unable to act, which makes it worse. One of my sons went through this at college when he got sick and missed classes and it all piled up on him leaving him in a similar state.

    I am far from an expert, but get yourself feeling better is mission one. But, do what you can and delegate, defer or don’t do what you can’t get to. An old boss used to tell me not to sweat the small stuff. Of course, we do, but his point is there are many things we do in our day, that don’t really matter if we don’t do them.

    Take care of you. In my readings, I have found you to be a pretty neat person with a lot to offer. Happy holidays, BTG

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    1. I so appreciate your kind words and spot on advice and observations. I went to the ER this morning, and they administered fluids for my dehydration and steroids for this flare up of my colitis. So, I am on the mend, and I certainly am reassessing how well I take care of my emotional and physical well-being. So, I am spending a silent night at home taking care of myself.

      Happy holidays and many thanks to you, my friend!

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  16. After reading all these wonderful, supportive comments, Kristi, all I can say is: “Ditto, ditto, and ditto.” Hoping for a precious, joyous Christmas for all who celebrate, and let’s look forward to a better year for everyone.

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    1. Your kind words and those of others reaffirm my belief that people can be compassionate and supportive during the darkest of hours, and I so appreciate being the recipient of such support. I wish you and yours all of the love and peace of this Christmas season and all of the wonder of the new year.

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  18. Pingback: On the Twenty-Fourth Day of December . . . | Kindness Blog

  19. As an UC sufferer, I totally empathize with your situation. I am currently in remission thanks to my Remicade therapy, but even so, I have to be careful what I eat at the holiday festivities. Today, I’m afraid I lost the battle to temptation, and I’m sure I’ll suffer for it tomorrow.

    Good luck with your own battle. Hope you can get into remission, too.

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    1. Thank you so much! I am fortunate in that my UC is usually in remission, and I take Lialda daily as a preventative measure that. I haven’t had a flare up like this in abour 5 years, and it was a huge wake up call to take much better care of myself. Stress is a huge trigger for me, and I have been burning the candle at both ends and in the middle for far too long. Yesterday was my breaking point and also the beginning of better physical and emotional health. I hope we both enjoy good health in the upcoming year, and I wish you all the best in all you do!

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    1. Thanks so much! Stress is the greatest trigger for my flare ups, so, this was a harsh reminder that self-care is a necessity, not a luxury. It has definitely made me recommit to being healthier, happier, and less stressed now and in 2015.

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  21. There is no need to rush anything. You take the time you need and everyone will still be here for you when you are ready. I know very well what you are going through and you are handling things far better than I who has given up on the thought of posting anything until at least tomorrow morning. Like I said, it will wait. I hope you feel better soon.

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    1. Thank you so much, and I hope that you are finding your way though this, as well. You are spot on with your observations and advice, and I definitely am refocusing on taking better care of myself emotionally and physically. We are all in this together.

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  23. Kristi so sorry that I did not read this sooner….I would have reached out to you as well my dear. As you know, I also deal with depression and anxiety, so i do understand those feelings. So glad you are feeling better…the holidays can be tough on our psyches.

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