Judging a homeless person’s story in San Francisco
“Hey, do you want an orange?” I ask.
She’s sitting on a street corner with a backpack.
Her face is marked up with whiskered scars of cosmetic or self mutilation origin. Maybe a bit of both. She’s pretty. One of the compartments on her bag is unzipped, and I see a bottle of sparkling nail polish.
She’s looks up from her phone. “Yes, please. Thank you”.
A straight-laced women passes by. Grey suit, hair up in a tight pony tail.
“She’s begging for change while she’s tweeting from her smartphone” she says, loudly.
With as much scorn and contempt as she could bear to part with.
As the woman walks away, the girl blurts out, quietly, “I just left my abuser.”
I pause. “I’m sorry that woman said that to you,” I say as I hand her an orange.
I watched her. The comment had stung. Because, you know, that’s just what you need when you’re down and out- judgment.
“People don’t seem to understand that a phone costs less than rent” she says. “And I just left the guy that abusing me”.
“Yeah,” I nod in agreement.
“This phone cost me $40. And you need a phone to get a job”
And everything else in our capitalistic clusterfuck.
I would rather part with my home, with my car, and my coat than my phone. It’s my connection to everything.
$40. You know how much a month of rent costs in SF? $40 is one night in a hostel, at best.
A phone will pull up the addresses of nearby homeless shelters. You can call the people that matter to you even if they are too far away to help. You can become a task rabbit with a working smartphone.
“You know you can’t enter a homeless shelter before you get TB clearance”.
“I didn’t know that,” I reply.
“Yeah, I’ve been on the street a couple days. But I got my clearance today, so I can go there tomorrow”.
It’s such a familiar story….lose a job, move in with your boyfriend. Well, that doesn’t work out so well for everyone.
“Look, don’t pay attention to her.” I say. “People like that…they are just unhappy. They feel like they have to live their lives according to a certain set of rules. They are angry at anyone who seems to live outside of their limits of what’s acceptable”.
“I need my phone to get the rest of my things…”, she rambled. Her shoulders tensed up, defensively.
“Look, let it go. She’s just angry with her own life. I’m sorry she said that to you. Try not to think about it”.
There are some people who feel contempt for homeless people. The worst ones are those who think that homelessness is some sort of holiday.
People are on the streets due to mental illness, bad decisions, depression, despair and sometimes just bad luck. Sometimes to escape their broken families.
If your idea of fun is hanging out with your own anxiety on a street corner, hoping someone will throw you a few bucks – I’m sorry.
I’d rather work on something I care about. But that’s a privilege.
Have you ever asked a stranger for something as basic as food or shelter? I have. It’s the most humiliating and humbling experience you can ever have.
Self-reliance is the backbone of our culture. Begging will squeeze your soul dry of the tiniest drop of pride.
If you lust after that helplessness, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that your life isn’t going the way you want it to be. I’m sorry your boss isn’t kind to you. That you don’t get enough sleep. That you don’t feel free, or fulfilled. I’m sorry that sitting on a street corner appears more relaxing than your current life.
I hope you feel better.
Kindness Blog 
Thanks for posting. Your compassion has to have helped this woman. It’s terrible to be judged on top of being abused.
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beautiful !! Resharing
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Excellent post. Thank you. Part of the problem, as I see it, is that those who “have”, do not see those who “have not” as human beings. They categorize them as losers, as nere do wells, as lazy,etc. and in doing so wash their hands of any relationship as a human being.I really think this is a convoluted defense mechanism. If the homeless are accepted as equals, then their predicament could become yours. This scares many people – just how fragile our lives are, how easily they can fall into black hole with no way out. An unexpected long-term illness, a mental issue, a bad investment, an old mistake that comes back to haunt, etc. Some time ago I was diagnosed with cancer and was surprised by how many previously friendly people suddenly wanted nothing to do with me – as if the cancer were contagious. Same issue, to see the world from my perspective would be to admit to their own mortality – and they run.
Great post and tank you.
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Many are just a few circumstances removed from the challenges and terror of an upside down situation. The difference is just enough to wash away any empathy. Excellent post.
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Many people see homeless people caused their own demise. Any of us could have a change in circumstances, lost job, lost marriage, mental health breakdown, abused or simply burned by people so much we give in and check out of responsibility. This is a very empathic post. I can feel your pain for this lost soul. Thanks for sharing.
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I have often explained to my companions as I give at something to EVERY panhandler and homeless person we walk by, even when I’m barely making my own rent, that we have no idea why this person is in this situation and could not imagine their circumstances for ourselves. I say many of the same things as you do, above, about how hanging out busking or begging or sleeping on the street is not a “fun” thing to do, regardless of my companion’s assessments of how much this person is undeserving or how many dollars they are “raking in” by “doing nothing.”
I agree that most people are very triggered by having to face others’ downturns and this fear makes them angry, resentful, obnoxious and judgmental, trying to distance themselves from that reality.
We all know (but do not want to admit) that everyone is just a few clicks of the wheel of karma away from facing that exact situation ourselves; some of us already have. There, but for the grace of whatever divinity you credit, go YOU.
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To have a roof over our heads, to be part of a loving family, to have simple foods available, they are all things to be very grateful for, and not to be taken for granted. As above bloggers have said, who know when our circumstances may change for the worst. So it is good to look into our own hearts and to find something called compassion.
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So much to love here. Your compassion, yes, because compassion can change outlooks. But also her courage. She was brave enough to leave her abuser. She braved the exposure and discomfort that had to come next. This woman deserves our compassion and help, and no one’s scorn. I don’t know who she is or where she is, so I’ll just send her positive vibes and hope she can smile again soon.
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Great post and thoughts about how close we all are really to being homeless and on the streets. Walk a mile in the someone else’s shoes before you cast any kind of judgement upon them.
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Powerful post. Homelessness is so complex. Compassion should always be the foundation of our society’s approach to these dear people on the street.
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Perfect words.
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Thanks for sharing this! Often were too consumed by perception and how things appear to be that we don’t think of the now “simple” things we need in today’s modern world.
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We never know what the background is and therefore are in no position to judge.
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Reblogged this on stories of survival and commented:
This needs shared far and wide!
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Reblogged this on She_Who_Hears.
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Thank you for this post. I sometimes feel like I am the only person in the world who wants to know the story as to why they are sitting there. ❤
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Great post. When I tell people that many homeless people have jobs, they usually have a hard time with that. The phone is a vital part of how we connect to society; why would a homeless person get rid of theirs unless it was taken. Please keep educating people like you are. I would add 30% of the homeless mothers our agency helps have left domestic violence situations. Take care, BTG
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Reblogged this on Deep Souldiving.
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Your article couldn’t have come at a better time! My children have recently got an opportunity to participate in an outreach project geered towards teenagers. They will be cooking for the homeless for 7 hours today. I read your article to them and they sat and listened closely. We’ve talked about the importance of and giving, but your article provided me the chance to water seeds of compassion and understanding. Thank you. ❤
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Great reminder! I never thought about that, a phone being a connection to everything and to be gut wrenchingly honest with you, I have judged homeless with phones! I never will again. We shouldn’t judge anyone and it is something I work on as a fellow human, always reminding myself that ‘there but for the Grace of God go I’. Loved this!!
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That’s such a great story! That seems to be our reality… and in any part of the world! Being nasty and judgemental – for some reason people tend to think they have got that right when they have not! But never judging own actions and looking youself in the eye… Thank you for the post…
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Reblogged this on Marooned at The Inn.
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While I agree with everything you said… it’s important to me to note that it’s not just those who have a terrible story, whose lives were destroyed by forces beyond their control, who are deserving of compassion. There are people who are on the street because they made the wrong choices… they are much harder for most people to have compassion for, but we live in a society that is incredibly poorly designed for the human animal, and the only wonder is that many, many more don’t wash out of it.
I have to admit, though, there are a fair number of people I can’t have any compassion for. People that go around judging homeless people for having cell phones, for example. People who judge other people for using food stamps, or using them in a way that they don’t approve of. I’ve been unspeakably rude to such people on more than one occasion. I guess that represents a character flaw in me, but it’s not one I’m spending too much time trying to get over.
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That’s a very important article, and there’s a lot of people that should give it a read. If there was a little less judgment and a lot more compassion in this world, we might find it would be a better place to live.
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Never judge anyone, period. You do not know their story. You do not know their life. You have not spent the last 365 days, 24 hours a day with this person. Everyone has problems; some more serious than others. The best we can do is remember our blessings, and help others to enjoy the same basic needs we take for granted. Don’t want to give money for whatever reason? Make a care package with basic things like deodorant, toothpaste, warm socks (especially warm, durable socks!), etc. I guarantee you that the person will be thankful for it.
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