2015 has been shrouded in darkness so far, as almost each of these first twelve days has brought news that a friend has lost a parent or grandparent or that their parent or grandparent is terminally ill. It was just five days ago when my mom called to tell me that my grandmother passed away unexpectedly, so, I didn’t come away unscathed, either. I thought that I was dealing well with my own grief and the grief of those I care about, but I have to admit that today I have stumbled, as I try to navigate the emotional minefield that is comprised of grief and anxiety.
As I process all of these recent losses and impending losses, I feel overwhelmed with a whirlwind of bittersweet feelings, which definitely feel more bitter than sweet on this Monday, especially with rain and overcast skies as the backdrop. Death has a way of both unnerving me and shaking me out of my complacent slumber, as it is a harsh reminder that everything can change in an instant and that life is meant to be lived fully each day, not saved for a day that may never come. As the feelings silently raged in my mind, I felt sadness and anxiety join forces to launch an assault on my body, mind, and spirit.
It was the kind of day that made me want to go home and pull the covers over my head, but that was not an option. So, even though I honestly did not want to, as I felt somewhat at home mired in the negativity, I decided to look for displays of kindness around me and to find a way to extend a bit of kindness to others. It was a desperate search, but here are some of the things I discovered:
As I juggled my umbrella, purse, lunchbox, messenger bag, and cup of hot green tea this morning, one of the guests at the day shelter for homeless men where I work rushed to the front door to hold it open for me, and he did so with a huge grin and offered me a warm welcome.
One of my co-workers sent me a lovely sympathy note offering me condolences for the loss of my beloved grandmother.
I sent one of my dearest friends whose father is terminally ill a note letting her know that she is in my heart, thoughts, and prayers.
I checked in with my beautiful friend who lost her son on Halloween to let her know I was thinking of her and still here for her during her own grieving process.
On the way home from work, a fellow motorist allowed me to go ahead of him at a busy intersection.
Someone special to me, who defies a label, allowed me to be vulnerable and honest about my feelings and offered me support, reassurance, and humor to comfort and cajole me.
None of these acts of kindness can change what has happened, but it definitely helped ease my sadness and anxiety. It felt good to be there for my friends who are hurting right, and it felt just as good to have other people show me kindness on a bit of a rough day. As nightfall descended, I chose to light a candle and immediately was comforted by the warmth and glow it cast off into the darkness, and I also felt very grateful. Thanks to the human “candles” in my life for lighting my way yet again.
Oh Sweety…how gorgeous you are to still keep your sense of awareness for what is kind and beautiful in your day, despite your sad time. I am proud of you. Sending you a big squishy hug….
God’s Blessings and Strength as you help and encourage others even during your time of grieving. Just prayed for you at this time, that you will experience the Presence of Jesus where you are, and the Person of the Holy Spirit will minister to you in Power to Glorify Jesus.
What a very beautiful things to do for me, and it means a great deal to me that you would pray for me. Your words and prayers are felt and appreciated!
I’m happy I found your blog and find inspiration in your gratitude for the simple things we normally take for granted especially during the most difficult times. I’m so sorry for your loss and pray for healing and comfort.
I’m so sorry for your loss and the troubles you’ve been bravely facing since the new year. God is clearly blessing you during your day, even when the clouds gather and anxiety threatens: you are very loved:
“How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.”
(Psalm 36:7).
If you get a spare 5 minutes, may I encourage you to read the following article on my blog:
Dear Kristi..I am so very sorry for the sad way that this new year has begun for you. The grace in which you handle your pain is so inspiring and I am so glad you have such wonderful people in your life that support you and love you. We are here with you as well.
Yes, nothing of this kind gestures can change what happened. But it shows that the world is not over and that there is always more in our life to see and to gain power. It is wonderful that you can see that and that you share this. Thank you!
Kristi, your paragraph summation under the bullets says it all. You did not let being terribly down and grief stricken get in the way of doing what you do best – helping others. I think you honor those who passed by paying forward the kindness those lost can no longer give. You are a hero to many. All the best, BTG
Unfortunately, grief comes to us all – sometimes, unexpectedly. Sorry about your loss, Kristi. But, still, you found the strength you needed to reach out. 🙂
Kindness Blog 
Reblogged this on That's Another Story.
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Oh Sweety…how gorgeous you are to still keep your sense of awareness for what is kind and beautiful in your day, despite your sad time. I am proud of you. Sending you a big squishy hug….
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Thanks for the kind words and the big squishy hug, as they helped light up the night!
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God’s Blessings and Strength as you help and encourage others even during your time of grieving. Just prayed for you at this time, that you will experience the Presence of Jesus where you are, and the Person of the Holy Spirit will minister to you in Power to Glorify Jesus.
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What a very beautiful things to do for me, and it means a great deal to me that you would pray for me. Your words and prayers are felt and appreciated!
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I’m happy I found your blog and find inspiration in your gratitude for the simple things we normally take for granted especially during the most difficult times. I’m so sorry for your loss and pray for healing and comfort.
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Jennifer, it is wonderful to have you here, and I am so thankful for your sweet words and for your prayers. Many thanks!
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I’m glad to be here 🙂
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I’m so sorry for your loss and the troubles you’ve been bravely facing since the new year. God is clearly blessing you during your day, even when the clouds gather and anxiety threatens: you are very loved:
“How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.”
(Psalm 36:7).
If you get a spare 5 minutes, may I encourage you to read the following article on my blog:
https://aeon01.wordpress.com/do-you-have-5-minutes-click-here-to-be-saved/
May He bless you. 🙂
Naomi
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Thank you for sharing such thoughtful words with me, and I look forward to checking out the article!
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Dear Kristi..I am so very sorry for the sad way that this new year has begun for you. The grace in which you handle your pain is so inspiring and I am so glad you have such wonderful people in your life that support you and love you. We are here with you as well.
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Sheila, thank you so much for your beautiful message. You are one special lady!
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Yes, nothing of this kind gestures can change what happened. But it shows that the world is not over and that there is always more in our life to see and to gain power. It is wonderful that you can see that and that you share this. Thank you!
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Thanks for sharing such a positive perspective, as you are right, and I so appreciate your support!
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And I appreciate your neverending inspirations of love! Your blog is such a blessing and a ray of light!
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Kristi, your paragraph summation under the bullets says it all. You did not let being terribly down and grief stricken get in the way of doing what you do best – helping others. I think you honor those who passed by paying forward the kindness those lost can no longer give. You are a hero to many. All the best, BTG
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You are too kind, as I definitely don’t see myself as a hero, but I truly appreciate your always kind words of support. Thanks for everything!
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Unfortunately, grief comes to us all – sometimes, unexpectedly. Sorry about your loss, Kristi. But, still, you found the strength you needed to reach out. 🙂
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Thank you so much, as I greatly appreciate your kind words.
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