Tate age 12, Sydney age 10

To the Girls Who Mocked My Son in the Mall – by Lisa Smith

Articles Submitted by Guest Authors, Kindness, Kindness - Real-life Examples, Kindness Needed, Kindness Reflections 28 comments

Tate age 12, Sydney age 10Last evening as I walked through the nearly empty mall with my two youngest, you five girls were behind us by several yards. We had just seen a movie and were in great spirits. We were walking to meet up with four of my older children.

We stopped to take a photo, at one of those cutout scenes where you stick your faces through the holes. I caught sight of you as we took our photo, walking and giggling and having a good time. I have had teenaged girls and know how much fun they can have together in a mall. I noted to myself that you were a lively group but certainly not threatening in any way. You were walking faster than we were and the gap between us was closing. I turned from snapping our photo and we continued down the hall.

My son fell behind a few steps as he was adjusting his earbuds. He was listening to his music like a typically developing 13-year-old boy might do in a mall. Though if you could have seen his playlist you would have realized he is not a typically developing 13-year-old boy. He was probably listening to Disney tunes, the muppets, or a preschool sensation called The Fresh Beat Band.

You probably did not notice he was “different” until you saw him run a few steps to catch up to me. He always runs on his toes with a very awkward gait; and I’m sure that a 6’3” young man running on his toes looked pretty ridiculous to you.

The mall was empty enough for me to hear your innocent girlish giggling turn to that of a contemptuous kind of laughter. I knew before I turned; but I could not stop myself. I turned to look and saw one of you mocking my son. You were running on your toes and flailing your arms. My son and his little sister kept walking, not noticing that I had turned to look behind us. They both have special needs and were oblivious to the change in my demeanor.

I took about three steps back toward you, and your forward pace slowed. I must have looked very intimidating all of the sudden. I had gone from happy and quietly content to irate in a fraction of a second.

Sydney and Tate 1I can only imagine the look I had on my face as I took those few steps toward you. I did see the looks on your faces. Your laughter stopped. I saw guilt and I saw your faces redden with embarrassment. You were caught. You thought you’d have your laugh at my son’s expense and we would not notice. Or perhaps you did not care if we noticed, but you certainly did not expect me to turn and call you out.

I cannot remember my exact words but I believe they were, “My son has autism. I sure hope you are not making fun of him.”

Your stuttering and stammering out, “We’re not. We’re not making fun of anyone.” caused me to doubt myself for a split second; but then I remembered I had seen one of you, the girl on the far left, copying my son’s movements while all five of you laughed.

I said no more, and turned back toward my kids and caught up to them, thankful that my son had his headphones in and thankful that he probably would not have understood much of our exchange if he had been listening anyway.

As we all continued down the hall I had to remind myself that all five of you are just kids, probably very nice girls most of the time. One of you were impulsive enough to make fun of the differences you saw in my son and the other four were weak enough to go along with the joke.

I had to remind myself that you all five had families that love you as much as I love my children and you all five may have issues of your own to deal with. And perhaps you really did believe that making fun of someone else is just innocent fun and we would have no idea it had even happened.

Perhaps you go to a school where the kids with special needs are kept separate from you or perhaps it is acceptable among your peers to laugh at their differences. We are from a small town and my son Tate goes to a small school. He has peers who accept him and do not make fun of the way he moves or talks. They know he is different and help him to fit in. They do not laugh at him or belittle him. As a matter of fact, had some of them been with him last night, they would have probably said more to you about your behavior than I did. 

I have to admit that I have no idea if turning and calling you out was the right thing to do or not. I did not know how to react. You see I have never seen anyone mock my son before. In fact, in thirteen years I cannot remember him once being made fun of. Perhaps there have been times and I have just not caught on like I did last night but I like to think that you are the first. How does that make you feel? You broke a thirteen-year streak for us.

If statistics prove true and all five of you grow up to become mothers, chances are that one of you will have a child or a grandchild with a disability. I do not wish that on your child or grandchild, but if it happens, I actually hope that you get a thirteen-year streak without bullying. As a matter of fact, I hope you have an even longer one. And even more importantly I hope that if your son or daughter, grandson or granddaughter, are ever bullied that you will not be able to think back and remember the time that you yourself laughed at a child with a disability and caused a mother pain. The burden might be too heavy for you to bear.

Lisa SmithLisa Smith is the mother of seven children ranging in ages 10 to 26. Lisa’s youngest two children have special needs. Lisa’s blog called “Quirks and Chaos” entertains and educates as she discusses autism, adoption, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and ADHD. Find Lisa on Facebook as Quirks and Chaos.

 

28 comments

  1. I am glad you could get this from your chest. As a mother we all ant to protect our children most of all when we see that they can’t help themselves. Our heart breaks when they got hurt. I would have done the same.

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  2. I think it might have been a good thing to approach them. They propably had no clue (which should not be an excuse for mocking someone) but by telling them that your son has autismus, you probably made them aware of the fact that there are people out there who are different and that it is not okay to make fun of them. I hope they learned from it.

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  3. I am glad you said something and hope these girls will remember it the next time they are about to make fun of someone. It saddens me that we still live in a society where parents are not teaching their children to respect the differences in people. This behavior was common when I grew up in the 60’s, but it saddens me that it still exists today.

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  4. Beautifully written. I like how you express the hurt you felt, and yet you were not hostile, acknowledging that they were impulsive kids who can sometimes be clueless about the impact of what they say or do. A very dignified confrontation and blog post, both incredibly effective.

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  5. You absolutely did the right thing. They were acting like normal dopey 13 yr. olds and maybe next time, they will pull back from that. You educated them in a kind non judgmental way. Rock On Momma! And I hope you’ll enjoyed the movie.

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    2. Exactly what I would have said, but 2dgsonly said so first. Teenagers (boys and girls) are thoughtless, and in a group often do things they would never do on their own. The fact that at least one of them reddened in shame tells me that maybe having you face them down was just the wake up call they needed.

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  6. You were very kind. I would have done the same thing! Maybe I would have said more. It is very natural for moms to be protective of their children. The girls should learn something. They may be mothers someday, I am sure they will remember this incident.Hugs to your babies : )

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  7. Kids can be cruel sometimes, so it is incumbent on us all to help steer them in the right direction. It does indeed take a village. My kids have long passed the middle school ages, but an 8th grade teacher told me that 8th graders as a group are not very nice people. With hormones flying, temptations being fired at them right and left, and more distracted parents, the opportunities for poor behaviors are greater when we were that age. I think you did great to make a comment and then give them an out. It left them time to reflect on their poor judgment. Best wishes for the next time and I hope you continue at your diplomatic best, BTG

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  8. I was in an elevator with a mentally challenged man I had struck up a conversation with earlier. A few other people got on and the man made some very innocent remarks about the clothing of one of the other people, ….remarks you wouldn’t expect from a grown man.. As the man was making the adorable remarks (I think he said something like “wow, you look like you’re going to the opera” or something like that) there was another young man who was mocking him and making motions with his hand to suggest he was drunk.
    The mentally challenged man got off the elevator and I said “You know he is mentally challenged, right?”
    He threw me an annoyed look and exited the elevator.

    I think we need to call people out if we see a lack of compassion. If more people did, maybe more people would think before they act unkind.

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  9. At least when confronted they had guilt over what they did some teenagers don’t, they are so narrow minded they can not see what they do wrong. You are right one of them may end up having a special needs child or grandchild and it will only be then that they truly get it.

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  10. This was perfect and beautiful and so relatable. I have been in those shoes you wore that day, I have felt the feelings you’ve so eloquently shared. I sometimes exist in this middle place, between the annoyance and the attempt to understand . . . So thankful to have read this post.

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  11. It’s good you called them out. It has to have made them think. You are right. If we don’t have some with special needs in our ice today, we will sometime. We all need to welcome them. Reblogging

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  14. I am glad that you spoke to those girls. It is so hurtful when someone is mocked, especially when it’s our own. What a dreadful shame that they broke your 13 year streak. I hope they learned their lesson; we need to ensure that people are educated about others that have special needs, and that it is not acceptable to make fun of them,

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