The Day I Stopped Saying Hurry Up - by Rachel Macy Stafford

The Day I Stopped Saying Hurry Up – by Rachel Macy Stafford

Articles Submitted by Guest Authors, Kindness, Kindness - Real-life Examples, Kindness Reflections 62 comments

The Day I Stopped Saying Hurry Up - by Rachel Macy Stafford When you’re living a distracted life, every minute must be accounted for. You feel like you must be checking something off the list, staring at a screen, or rushing off to the next destination. And no matter how many ways you divide your time and attention, no matter how many duties you try and multi-task, there’s never enough time in a day to ever catch up.

That was my life for two frantic years. My thoughts and actions were controlled by electronic notifications, ring tones, and jam-packed agendas. And although every fiber of my inner drill sergeant wanted to be on time to every activity on my overcommitted schedule, I wasn’t.

You see, six years ago I was blessed with a laid-back, carefree, stop-and-smell-the roses type of child.

When I needed to be out the door, she was taking her sweet time picking out a purse and a glittery crown.

When I needed to be somewhere five minutes ago, she insisted on buckling her stuffed animal into a car seat.

When I needed to grab a quick lunch at Subway, she’d stop to speak to the elderly woman who looked like her grandma.

When I had thirty minutes to get in a run, she wanted me to stop the stroller and pet every dog we passed.

When I had a full agenda that started at 6 a.m., she asked to crack the eggs and stir them ever so gently.

The Day I Stopped Saying Hurry Up - by Rachel Macy Stafford

My carefree child was a gift to my Type A, task-driven nature—but I didn’t see it. Oh no, when you live life distracted, you have tunnel vision—only looking ahead to what’s next on the agenda. And anything that cannot be checked off the list is a waste of time.

Whenever my child caused me to deviate from my master schedule, I thought to myself, “We don’t have time for this.”

Consequently, the two words I most commonly spoke to my little lover of life were: “Hurry up.”

I started my sentences with it.
Hurry up, we’re gonna be late.

I ended sentences with it.
We’re going to miss everything if you don’t hurry up.

I started my day with it.
Hurry up and eat your breakfast.
Hurry up and get dressed.

I ended my day with it.
Hurry up and brush your teeth.
Hurry up and get in bed.

And although the words “hurry up” did little if nothing to increase my child’s speed, I said them anyway. Maybe even more than the words, “I love you.”

The truth hurts, but the truth heals … and brings me closer to the parent I want to be.

Then one fateful day, things changed. We’d just picked my older daughter up from kindergarten and were getting out of the car. Not going fast enough for her liking, my older daughter said to her little sister, “You are so slow.” And when she crossed her arms and let out an exasperated sigh, I saw myself—and it was a gut-wrenching sight.

I was a bully who pushed and pressured and hurried a small child who simply wanted to enjoy life.

My eyes were opened; I saw with clarity the damage my hurried existence was doing to both of my children.

Although my voice trembled, I looked into my small child’s eyes and said, “I am so sorry I have been making you hurry. I love that you take your time, and I want to be more like you.”

Both my daughters looked equally surprised by my painful admission, but my younger daughter’s face held the unmistakable glow of validation and acceptance.

“I promise to be more patient from now on,” I said as I hugged my curly-haired child who was now beaming at her mother’s newfound promise.

It was pretty easy to banish “hurry up” from my vocabulary. What was not so easy was acquiring the patience to wait on my leisurely child. To help us both, I began giving her a little more time to prepare if we had to go somewhere. And sometimes, even then, we were still late. Those were the times I assured myself that I will be late only for a few years, if that, while she is young.

When my daughter and I took walks or went to the store, I allowed her to set the pace. And when she stopped to admire something, I would push thoughts of my agenda out of my head and simply observe her.  I witnessed expressions on her face that I’d never seen before. I studied dimples on her hands and the way her eyes crinkled up when she smiled. I saw the way other people responded to her stopping to take time to talk to them. I saw the way she spotted the interesting bugs and pretty flowers.

She was a Noticer, and I quickly learned that The Noticers of the world are rare and beautiful gifts. That’s when I finally realized she was a gift to my frenzied soul.

The Day I Stopped Saying Hurry Up - by Rachel Macy Stafford

My promise to slow down was made almost three years ago, at the same time I began my journey to let go of daily distraction and grasp what matters in life.

Living at a slower pace still takes a concerted effort.

But my younger daughter is my living reminder of why I must keep trying. In fact, the other day, she reminded me once again.

The two of us had taken a bike ride to a sno-cone shack while on vacation. After purchasing a cool treat for my daughter, she sat down at a picnic table delightedly admiring the icy tower she held in her hand.

Suddenly a look of worry came across her face. “Do I have to rush, Mama?”

I could have cried. Perhaps the scars of a hurried life don’t ever completely disappear, I thought sadly.

As my child looked up at me waiting to know if she could take her time, I knew I had a choice. I could sit there in sorrow thinking about the number of times I rushed my child through life … or I could celebrate the fact that today I’m trying to do thing differently.

I chose to live in today.

The Day I Stopped Saying Hurry Up - by Rachel Macy Stafford

“You don’t have to rush. Just take your time,” I said gently. Her whole face instantly brightened and her shoulders relaxed.

And so we sat side-by-side talking about things that ukulele-playing-6-year-olds talk about. There were even moments when we sat in silence just smiling at each other and admiring the sights and sounds around us.

I thought my child was going to eat the whole darn thing—but when she got to the last bite, she held out a spoonful of ice crystals and sweet juice for me. “I saved the last bite for you, Mama,” my daughter said proudly.

As I let the icy goodness quench my thirst, I realized I just got the deal of a lifetime.

I gave my child a little time … and in return, she gave me her last bite and reminded me that things taste sweeter and love comes easier when you stop rushing through life.

The Day I Stopped Saying Hurry Up - by Rachel Macy Stafford

Whether it’s …

Sno-cone eating

Flower picking

Seatbelt buckling

Egg cracking

Seashell finding

Ladybug watching

Sidewalk strolling

I will not say, “We don’t have time for this.” Because that is basically saying, “We don’t have time to live.”

Pausing to delight in the simple joys of everyday life is the only way to truly live.

(Trust me, I learned from the world’s leading expert on joyful living.)

The Day I Stopped Saying Hurry Up - by Rachel Macy Stafford

Rachel Macy Stafford Rachel Macy Stafford is a certified special education teacher with a Master’s Degree in education and ten years of experience working with parents and children. In December 2010, this life-long writer felt compelled to share her journey to let go of distraction and grasp what really matters by creating the blog “Hands Free Mama.” Rachel provides readers with simple, non-intimidating, and motivating methods to let go of distraction and connect with their loved ones. Rachel’s work has been featured on CNN, Good Morning America, Global News, USA Today, TIME.com, MSN.com, The Huffington Post, and Reader’s Digest. Rachel’s first book, HANDS FREE MAMA, is a New York Times Bestseller. Her second book, HANDS FREE LIFE, hits bookstores on September 8th, 2015.

You can join Rachel on her journey to overcome distraction, live better, and love more at www.handsfreemama.com or The Hands Free Revolution on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/TheHandsFreeRevolution.

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62 comments

    1. This is a WONDERFUL lesson to us all! I too was a ‘hurry-hurry’ person, and luckily learned that hurry means worry, and worry I can do without. How amazing life is and how wonderful that we have this incredible moment in time to enjoy it. Thank you for this life-changing post. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  8. Reblogged this on Lizzie Carver and commented:

    “We’re going to miss everything if you don’t hurry up.”
    Or perhaps, unless you slow down, you are going to miss even more? This lovely post really resonated with me, so I am sharing it here – take your time to read and savour it, won’t you?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. That was breath-taking. I re-lived all my “dying to self” moments all over again during your story… My children have since become teens who have rewarded me with a litany of all the things wrong with me…

    However, since my daughter has passed through the most difficult of those teen years, she now places her hands on my shoulders – often – and forces me to stop all other thought and action and, with a captive glance confesses, “I love you.”

    I love harvest time.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  14. Oh my goodness. This is my youngest to a T. He is never in a rush for anything and he always comes home with a ton a treasures I never even noticed – – including money he’s found on the floor that no one else noticed!!! Make me laugh too that his favorite stuffed animal is the one in your first picture!! That is our Mr. Hoppy!!!

    Thanks for saying this so beautifully!!

    Liked by 1 person

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  18. Thank you for this….I needed to read this. I am one of those “hurry up” moms…afraid to be late….feeling the need to get everything accomplished when clearly I missing the most important part of life….it’s time to chabge…Thank you…..

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. I loved this post. Illness forced me to live my life slower and it has been a blessing. I love taking walks with kids and dogs. The walk is a constant stop and start but it is amazing the things you notice because you paused.

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  20. I love this. Years ago I caught myself saying, “Hurry up” to my daughter even when we weren’t in a hurry. “Wait,” I asked myself, “Why does she have to hurry? We have plenty time.” I realized that I was hurrying her through life because I was hurried through life. It was just an ingrained, unnecessary pattern. Congratulations for committing to change and giving your children an unhurried childhood.

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  22. Thank you. I can’t even tell you how much I needed to read this. I have two “noticers” and I’m constantly rushing them. It didn’t even occur to me that I could be harming their beautiful personalities. Not to be too over dramatic. But thank you. I’m going to put down my phone after writing this comment and commit to enjoying my children, and life, more fully. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

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  23. Thanks you SO much. I felt like you’ve caught a glimpse into our morning-hell the evenings too. I recently took a job that starts early in the morning and my sweet, go at her own pace daughter has never adjusted. Even after 6 months of me working there. I’ll try to stop saying hurry up, it’ll make everything more peaceful 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  24. Thank you for your beautiful yet honest post. I, too, have been guilty of forcing my kids to “hurry up”. We’re in such a rush to get our things done, that we forget what life is truly about. A great reminder to appreciate my little ones’ abilities to just enjoy life — no gimmicks, no technology, no gadgets, just the simple things. That is my goal for 2015: stop rushing, and just breathe and enjoy the moment because we don’t get them back.

    Liked by 1 person

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  28. i have three wonderful grown up children and when they each was growing up i made sure i played not rush them and had lots of fun and outings with them they are all wonderful parents and have each given me a grand child who i am enjoying every time i see them the youngest been 8 months old shes a pleasure to play and learn with then i have a grandson who is 12 i took him twice a week to playschool when he was little and we had the time of our lifes every day i saw him then my 15 year old grandaughter we used to make collages colour and draw and make necklaces with beads i love it all and children do make you happy and fulfill your life

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  30. I was (and am) a noticer. Made my mother crazy! And it is hard on my husband. Fortunately, I got a noticer for a son. What a pleasure to finally have the company of someone who sees and pays attention. It has its challenges, but oh so many rewards. Thanks for finding the time for your noticer and for appreciating her gifts.

    Liked by 1 person

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  31. This brought a smile as I am one of those “slow” people. Last Sunday, I was geocaching with my best friend and he became impatient with how much time it was taking me to write down the next cache coordinates, or take a photo, or stop to talk to a stranger sitting on a park bench. He attributes it to my being “retired” and easily distracted. Truth is, I had to conform to society’s expectations for my whole working/schooling life and finally, I am content to just Be. Not obsessed with time, schedules, or rushing to get to the next thing before I’ve had a chance to enjoy the moment fully. Great post. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

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  33. What a beautiful article and it resonates deeply with me.
    I too have taken a step back and noticed that we can be the best mothers, just by being patient. No other skill compares to that of being patient and understanding. It’s so reassuring to know that other mums too are realising this.
    our children are little gifts that we must treasure.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  35. Thank you for following my blog! This was a wonderful post – wish I had read it a long time ago. My husband’s and my lives with kids was Hurry Up and Wait! Each of them ran on their own time schedule. Now one runs on Army time and the other married a young man whose clock is slower than hers! Looking forward to slowing down with a grandchild.

    Liked by 1 person

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  41. Absolutely beautiful!! And eye-opening. I just saw myself with my second child. He is still never in a hurry today and he is 23 yo. And he still gives me lessons on working too hard and not taking time for myself. Thanks for the revelation!!

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  43. My father was/is a hurrier. He was always trying to rush and push me into things that I had not or could not filter. I grew to resent him and close him out of my world. Everything didn’t have to be rush rush rush. To this day I cannot be around him because I think he may criticize me for not being quick enough or good enough. Children need time to be children. Rushing comes soon enough.

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  45. It’s been about six years since I found Rachel’s blog and books, it’s also been about six years since my daughter was born. I can’t believe what a long road it is to learn to slow down. I’m so glad I found Rachel’s writing, because it makes me mindful about trying not to rush through life, but on the other hand, it’s still so hard. 🪙

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