Dear lady who loudly tutted at me using the disabled loos,
I know you saw me running in, with my able bodied legs and all. You saw me opening the door with my two working arms. You saw me without a wheelchair. Without any visible sign of disability.
You tutted loudly as I rattled the handle with my hands that work perfectly and my able voice call to my kids that I’d be out in just a minute.
My lack of wheelchair may have suggested to you that I was some lazy cow who didn’t care. Some inconsiderate bitch who was using something I wasn’t entitled too. (I actually carry a card to explain that I’m entitled to and have a disability key if you’d have cared to ask). You may have seen my face blushing as I caught your eye and assumed I was showing guilt at blagging the disabled loos.
The fact is that I have no bowel. I have a pouch formed from my small intestine which can’t handle volume and so I have to go to the toilet and poo several times a day. My lack of large intestine means that my stool is totally liquid as I have no means of absorbing the fluids in food and so its really hard to hold it when I need to go.
I sometimes have accidents which means a large toilet that has a sink right by me means I can clean myself up when things go awry.
I hate having to use the disabled loos as I have to deal with people like you staring, nudging, tutting. And whenever I can, I use the ladies toilets. Just so you know, disabled loos usually smell bad and don’t seem to be cleaned as often or as well as the ladies and so I wouldn’t choose this option unless totally necessary.
Whilst I’m at it, I’d like to address the cleaner in the supermarket ladies toilets I used this week. As I ran in, knees together, bursting through the door and running to the cubicle, I’m sorry that the noise of my (lack of) bowels made you burst out laughing.
I can actually take the sniggering as since I had a pouch made from my small intestine because my disease ridden colon was removed during surgery, the noise I make when I defecate is hilariously loud. Seriously, I get it. It’s comedic in it’s volume.
But before you ran outside the loos and called to your friend “OH MY GOD! You should hear the noise in there!!! I wouldn’t go in if I was you!!!!” Perhaps you could have noted my daughter who was waiting outside with our trolley because her mum had had to leave her stranded to run to the toilet. Perhaps you could have stopped and heard me sobbing with pain because the acid in my stools has no way to be neutralised because I don’t have a large intestine and so opening my bowels actually burns my skin.
Perhaps you both could have shown a little empathy, a little compassion, a little understanding.
Poo is funny. Disability is confusing.
I get that.
But humanity and care for fellow human beings is a choice.
To everyone else reading this, the next time you see someone who doesn’t “look disabled” using a toilet.
Or someone bursting through and crashing into the toilets noisily.
Take a moment. Remember that not all people who have the right to use disabled toilets are in a wheelchair. Some of us have a jpouch, a lot of us have an Ostomy bag that needs emptying and changing with the use of space, a sink and a bin. And even more of us just don’t want to shit our pants in public.
Think about the nearly 300,000 people in this country who have inflammatory bowel disease (not to mention the huge number of people with IBS!!!) who need to use the toilet urgently, noisily, smellily…
It’s an embarrassing enough thing to deal with before having to see disapproving looks or hear your laughs and jeering remarks.
Be kind yo…
Peace out
Sam xxxxx
Author bio: My name is Sam Cleasby and I’m from Sheffield, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis in 2003 and had a Colectomy and Ileostomy in 2013. This blog is about support, real life stories and information along with fun, laughter, honesty and terrible arse jokes. It is about improving self esteem and positive body image in everyone, it is about loving your body, celebrating your awesomeness and being proud of who you are.
Read more at: So Bad Ass
Kindness Blog 
Glad you wrote that. People should not assume anything!!
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Oh Sam,
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’ve known enough folks who had ‘unseen’ disabilities where nosey parkers felt obligated to preach at them because they ASSumed….
A dear friend of mine has a sister with MS. This lady cannot bend her knees and needs a wheelchair most of the time. When she went into a handicapped stall, a woman rapped imperiously on the door, demanding to know why she was using ‘her’ stall.
Imperious Woman asked, “Do you have the use of your legs?”
Sister with MS replied, “No, I don’t.”
Imperious Woman said, “Well, I only have one leg!”
Sister with MS said, “Seriously? Because you have one leg that works and I have two that don’t, that somehow makes you MORE handicapped than me??”
Imperious Woman: “Of course!”
Unbe-freaking-liveable.
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So sorry you experienced such unkindness & judgement. Well done for speaking out too. Take care xx
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Hey Kitt,
How’s Friday treating you?
Best, Mike.
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Not too bad thanks Mike! How about you? 🙂
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Yes good, thank you 🙂
Just about to leave the office and head home for a weekend with the family.
Hope you and yours are well and smiling 🙂
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Good plan! Have a wonderful weekend 🙂
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Because you cannot see it, does not mean it is not there. I have scleroderma, my fingers are covered with calcium deposits and they are horribly painful, since you can’t see them (unless you look closely) and they are small, I should not be on disability. Sorry for your experience.
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My father had a bag as he had no bladder left having los it to cancer, we often had to go in to assist him!
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My deepest sympathy goes out to you my friend. I agree, many folks lack compassion and need a wake up call. I have similar experiences with parking too especially as my disability support does not include a blue badge any more. As you say thoughtless gestures often add to an already humiliating experience.
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people should not have to wear a badge to be treated with respect. Unfortunately some people do not take the time or have the maturity to realize that many disabilities are not visible. My heart goes out to you and your daughter for the embarrassment you must have felt.
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Reblogged this on It's a lonely place and commented:
An incredible insight to how thoughtless some people can be to another’s plight x
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thanks for sharing 🙂
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a pleasure x
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Hey man, everybody shits! My typical response when facing someone’s uninformed, assumption-based opinion is to counter, “Oh, I’m sorry, how inconsiderate of me. I suppose I was just too busy minding my own fucking business.”
But, I suppose that is not the “kind” course of action. Thank you for sharing your story so that others might become more enlightened and aware of the plights of our fellow humans!
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A long time back I remember reading how Ajahn Sumedho (a Senior Theravada Buddhist Monk) had once said something to the effect that Metta (loving-kindness) could be a hug OR a slap!
Best, Mike.
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Your candidness was awesome! I went from “ignorant” to “well informed” really quickly. That’s a good thing. …the way my day’s been going, a trip to your blog for one of those arse jokes won’t hurt either…
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Your a Sam too? I am a Samantha Josephine but that is way too long to write constantly so I go by Sam 🙂 I love what you call the bathroom — the loo. 🙂
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Thank you for sharing!
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Just reading your write-up here. I am so glad that you spoke up about this, fair play to you. People need to know this, it is amazing though that people are not more sympathetic or sensitive towards each other. Wishing you the best and hope you do not come across more ignorant people.
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It is important to not make judgments! Good post!
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I hate that people judge others like this, both my mum and I have disability parking permits because neither of us can walk very far unaided, when I go shopping the first thing I do is get a trolley to support my back while I walk without the trolley by the time I get from the carpark to the shops I am in a great deal of pain and can barely move this is the reason I do not judge you cannot tell my looking always what someones disability is
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We had a similar situation at the DMV. We qualified for a special ticket for a window which served people with disabilities, making the DMV process quicker. When we were called to the counter, the woman serving us was extremely rude to us and made a comment about “abusing the system” under her breath (never mind some of the rude glances from onlookers) until I calmly and quietly explained that my daughter (there for a very necessary photo ID) had an acute/severe mental illness that was cycling and large crowds/noise greatly exacerbated psychosis. She apologized and rushed us through. Thank you for reminding others about invisible disabilities.
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A wheelchair accessible washroom is not like a parking space, they aren’t exclusively for handicapped people. Sorry but true
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I’m glad you are comfortable enough to be yourself. People can be very rude and insensitive.
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I’m sorry you have to deal with the judgment. i am often misjudged because I have an invisible illness. I guess it is a good thing that people get upset when the handicap restroom or parking space is used by someone who looks “normal” but it doesn’t make it any easier when we are misjudged.
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You tell em!
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I was not aware of this kind of suffering. Even so, I don’t think anyone should make remarks about someone using the handicapped accessible stall. If there is not a handicapped person waiting, why should others wait for an ordinary stall when that one is free? It is not the same as a parking space where distance and inability is involved.
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A wonderful article! I too have felt this pain. I have a degenerating spine and severe arthritis, neither of which are visible, but both of which cause incredible pain and difficulty in walking any distance. Even though we have a ticket in the car for parking, we still get smirks and dark stares plenty of times. Thank you for speaking out.
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Reblogged this on 61chrissterry and commented:
Being judgemental is not a good trait, as in most cases those that do are not aware of all or in deed any of the factors regarding the situation they are judging.
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This article was a very good lesson on why we shouldn’t jump to conclusions in judging people. Thanks so much for sharing.
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Even with my walker or wheelchair I get dirty looks as if the fact that I’m… Well, I assume, young and therefore could not have a progressive disease and nobility impairment. I’m becoming more vocal to such people out of frustration now. I love your post and shared it. More people need a clue! Be well, Dani
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Reblogged this on Kindness Blog.
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I would never judge you. In 2015, after suffering from a TBI and neurological impairment, my depth perception, memory, and processing took a major hit. Therapy helped. But I said goodbye to a very successful career in education. I was lost, both physically and emotionally. With my handicapped placard on display, I parked once in handicap to hear ugly comments being made near me. I knew my truth. At the time, after certain hours of the day, I’d get lost. Knowing my truth and that my Heavenly Papa covers me~and all of us ~with his grace, allows me to “shake off” the comments of those that are truly handicapped ~incapable of kindness and non-judgement. Having vowel issues myself, I’m sorry for your suffering. And proud of you for standing in your truth! And speaking “Boo” to poo predators! 🙏🏻😂❣️
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Oy vey! 🤦🏼♀️! I guess I do have “vowel” issues~but I do have IBS.
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