My husband and I have always wanted a lot of kids. (Of course, “a lot” is a relative term, depending what your social circles look like, but for the purpose of this post, we’re going to call “a lot” more than 3. Ha.)
Over the last 6 years, when we’ve made our feelings known, we’ve often been met with one particular phrase: Kids are so expensive!!
Well, on the one hand, I suppose they are. Depending on your particular situation – medical bills, dental care, school tuition, etc. all definitely add up. So I’m not trying to be flippant with what I’m about to say, but I do think it’s an important distinction to be made when one is saying how “expensive” children are.
Kids aren’t expensive. Greed is.
Kids don’t “need” designer clothes, Etsy outfits, brand new everything, more shoes than they can wear before they grow out of them, and 8 thousand of whatever the latest toy craze is. (I believe it’s currently Shopkins, but I might be a week behind the times. It’s so hard to keep up.)
Kids don’t need a play room full of more toys than they know what to do with. (I’ll go one step further with this one. They don’t even want it. It’s stressful and overwhelming for them. But anyways.) Kids don’t “need” to be signed up for a different so-called enrichment class every night of the week.
They need sunshine, fresh air, freedom to move, and space to create.
As parents, as human beings, it is far too easy to get sucked into the vortex of materialism and greed that has so taken over our society.
Bigger is not always better and less is often more.
Are we accumulating “stuff” for our children or are we enriching and developing their lives and hearts?
Don’t get me wrong – stuff is good! 😉 Shopping is fabulous, and if it was a professional sport, I’d be a champion! #justaskhubby bwahaha…
But I think it’s particularly important as parents to teach and model the difference between enjoying material goods… and merely accumulating things. One is a positive – an accessory, if you will, to our human life together, bringing a definite level of happiness and pleasure. The other is a slippery slope into stress, greed, bitterness and envy.
Our children have toys, they have clothes, they have (for better or worse) more than what they need. My husband and I are thoughtful about spending, but we also believe in the excitement and pleasure of new things – even if “new” sometimes means more like “new-to-me.” 😉 We try as best we can to show our children gratitude, with our actions more than our words.
Like with every other aspect of parenting, though, there is always that flicker of doubt. Are we getting this message through to them? Are they appreciative, are they grateful, are their heart’s content, rather than greedy for more?
Then, the other day my husband was talking to Mikey about his upcoming birthday (#5, you guys, how did THAT happen!!??), and asked Mikey what gifts he wanted. I’m not even going to lie, our son’s response made my eyes fill with tears and my heart fill with that mother pride that I know you’ve all felt one time or another.
“Oh, Daddy. I have my best toys, and books, and my doggie, and Ellie and Baby Lucas. I want Batman to come to my party. But he doesn’t need to bring anything. I have everything I need right now.”
I have everything I need.
Tonight, I’m walking endlessly with my sick baby boy, trying to ignore the laundry that’s piled up, and the dishes that never got washed. I enjoy my usual chuckle when I watch the couples on HGTV demanding granite counters, walk-in closets, and houses so big you could get lost in them. I wonder what those people would think if they saw our tiny house full of tiny people.
Maybe they, too, would say, “Kids are so expensive.”
But as I kiss my baby’s dimpled cheeks, I know the truth.
Our children, yours and mine, they need so very little and give so very much.
They need compassion, security, respect, Faith and morals to guide them; they need our love. They need our eyes on them as they show their latest skill, our ears open to hear their latest story, our minds and hearts fully present when we sit with them to play, to read, to be. In the end… that is everything they need.
What our children really need from us – it doesn’t cost a thing. ❤
xoxo, Anna
Hi! I’m, Anna – New York wife and mama. I love my man, my babies, my Faith, and all things home-related. Except ironing. DO NOT ASK ME TO IRON. Read more of my writing at House to Home.
Kindness Blog 
Wow! Beautifully expressed.
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Very good, keep that up!
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ya that title is totally click bait but it has a good pay off so i am glad that i clicked 🙂
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Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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So true but I’m finding it a bit tougher now that they’re older. Great blog!
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🙂 too true! hope your baby feels better soon!
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great advice and so true. It does get more difficult as they get older, but keep on doing what you are doing, actions speak louder than words!
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True but you can’t deny that when they come of age to go to university or college oh boy is it going to get expensive.
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Loved this – and agree wholeheartedly that kids don’t have to be excessively expensive.
Kids may sometimes look at peers as their “mirrors” on outward issues…but when they’re trying to discern “the heart of each matter”, they’re looking at their parents. Our hearts need to be mirroring back a health-ful image that they can emulate.
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Love this! It’s a great reminder for everyone…
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Anna, well done. Cute pictures and lessons for us all. I listened on NPR the other day to a piece about one of the best teaching toys for pre-K. The sanded, uncolored block. Kids were building, failing, trying again, interacting, learning math, as they made all kinds of things with these unsexy wooden blocks. Hearing the kids as they did those things was priceless. Your post reminded me of the simple things that are so impactful. My three are all 17 and older, so it has been awhile since those times.
Take care, BTG
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Amen to that!!!
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Yes, very true. I have two kids and we live fairly simply, in a little weatherboard house in the country. We have to wait for the things we want, and I think that is one of the best ways to teach our kids. They go to a public school, and do one, maybe two sports at a time. So that’s never what I say when people have lots of kids…what I do say however, is wow! Did you mean to have that many? I could never have more than two, you see 😊 For reasons of sanity, mainly 😜
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Very great post!! ❤
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Reblogged this on The Forever Years and commented:
An article after our own heart! “The Forever Years” loves this, encouraging reading and something we should all be mindful of as we raise our children. Many thanks to Anna Barton from New York, USA for her great article! 🙂
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This is so true. Before I had a child I’ve always heard people complain about a child being expensive and I’ve always agreed becasue I didn’t know any better. Our son is two years old now and me and my husband agree that we think people are exaggerating a bit-or it depends on how old is your child, for now it hasn’t been expensive-we sure have more expenses than when it was just the two of us but I think the minute you findout that you are pregnant, you start taking out ‘nice to have stuff’ in your budget and prepare for more expenses because there’ll be one more person in the house.
And I agree with the writer that kids don’t need all that we buy for them. We’ve also fallen in the trap of buying our son tons of toys that he only use for a day or two and when we force him to play with them-because we’ve spent money buying them. The excitement of getting something new fades away after a few days and all he wants is to play outside with dirt.
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