We have been dealing with a scary medical emergency in our family this week. My father-in-law had a subdural hematoma that led to a trip to the hospital and surgery.
I am happy to report that he is progressing at a remarkable pace, and we are optimistic that he will make a full recovery.
Extended time spent in a hospital affords you with ample opportunities to witness people acting their best in the face of some of the worst circumstances.
I was fortunate to observe and interact with ICU nurses who executed their duties with efficiency and empathy. The neurosurgeon who performed the surgery was skilled and compassionate in equal measure. The surgical liaison who provided us with updates from the operating room started to cry as she saw me cry with relief after finding out the surgery was a success, sharing in a life-changing moment.
When faced with hours upon hours in hospital waiting rooms you also have plenty of time with your thoughts. Given the gravity of the situation it is natural that I found myself reflecting on my father-in-law’s life.
In the eighteen years since I first met him, he has become one of my favorite people based on his integrity and his character.
He is a retired career Army man who served his country in Vietnam. He is a father and role model to four children and a devoted husband of fifty-eight years. As we sit on opposite sides of the political fence he often enjoys engaging me in rousing debates, but they always end with laughter and a hug.
I can tell you that in the nearly two decades that I have known my father-in-law I have never once heard him complain about his life. I have never heard him deflect responsibility away from himself and onto another.
He carries himself with a quiet strength and an abundance of patience. He does not care to be the center of attention, but when he does speak out it is sure to have an impact. He may be great in the eyes of his family, but to most others he is an ordinary guy. In the simplest of terms, he is a good man. I believe we can take a lesson from people like the hospital staff and from people like my husband’s father.
Maybe we don’t need to be great. Maybe we just need to be better.
So much of what we see and hear on the news and on social media these days is a massive blame game. People are divesting themselves of any responsibility for their actions without a thought. It can’t possibly be my fault because of racism, the environment, reverse discrimination, profiling, stress, age, gender, the economy, a difficult childhood, the educational system, the weather, the tides, the color of one’s socks, etc.
What if we all agreed to step up and make the effort to just be better? Is it so wrong to ask people to be accountable for their own choices and their own actions?
I issued myself a challenge five years ago to be a better person. I am one now, though I still have much progress to be made. Today I am re-issuing that challenge to myself, and I am implementing the mantra to “just be better”. I will not allow myself to shift or deflect blame, and I will take full responsibility for me. I will continue working on being better to those around me and to those I have yet to meet.
I ask you to join me on this quest to “just be better”. We can lead by example and pass the message on to others. We can show people to be proud by being good and by doing good. We can just be better.
Karen is a Blogger with a realistic approach to an optimistic life, fitness enthusiast with a bad habit of binge-snacking, sports nut, lover of all things 80s. Read more of Karen’s work at Fill Your Own Glass.
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Kindness Blog 
This is a fantastic post! Thank you for sharing your story…
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Thank you for your kind words! 🙂
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Absolutely!
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I think there can be no better assesment than to say someone was a “good man” (or woman).
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I agree, and I hope that is how I will described and remembered, too. 🙂
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This is excellent advice and challenge for us all.
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That was powerful encouragement. Many have thought this…but couldn’t find the words. You did. Thanks.
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Reblogged this on Fill Your Own Glass and commented:
Thank you Kindness Blog for sharing my latest piece! Together we can all be better!
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Thanks for a great post! That is really what we should all aspire to have said about us. They were a good person.
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I completely agree.
Best, Mike.
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I like this approach. I mean, it’s hard enough trying to be good; trying to be perfect is just overwhelming. But if we wake up every morning with the intention to just make today a little bit better than yesterday, to do a little more for others, a little more for the environment, a tiny bit more for the world, we will look back in 10, 20, 30 years and realize that we have gone really far after all!
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Thank you for the friendly challenge. Accepted!!!
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Yes! We do need to take full responsibility for our lives. It’s not frightening – rather, it’s empowering. Sometimes I still want to blame someone else for the way I’m feeling – but in the end it always comes back to me.
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I so agree that we are best when we take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. I sometimes feel torn when I hear about needing to be better because I agree on the one hand (learning and growing through life is so important), however for some the need to be ‘better’ is based in the belief that they are not good enough as they are. So for me striving to learn and grow is great but we need also to understand our own strengths and value first.
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I agree, Kirsten, that it all starts internally. We need to recognize the power, beauty, and strength that each of us holds inside. For me, being better can on some days be as simple as offering a smile to a stranger, or picking up someone else’s abandoned trash. On other days it is about not deflecting things I have done, not making excuses, and accepting accountability. Best, Karen 🙂
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My father had one of these when I was a little girl. It is a serious surgery, but glad he’s doing well.
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I am sorry you had to endure that experience at a young age. The doctors were concerned due to his age (he’ll be 82 in June), but his recovery has been amazing thus far! Thank you for the kind thoughts. 🙂
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Karen, could you tell me the source of the circle of words you used at the top of this post.
It is quite fascinating. I would like to use it some time. ❤
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Hi there! I find any images aside from my own at http://www.pixabay.com. They have thousands of free images available for use. I believe I searched under responsibility or accountability and found this one. Best, Karen
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Reblogged this on Dr. Brian G Spare and commented:
Just be better – I hear you. I try to do that too. We can try together.
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Thank you for sharing the message! I greatly appreciate it! Together we can “just be better”. 🙂
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Reblogged this on Author P.S. Bartlett.
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Thank you for sharing the message! Best, Karen 🙂
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I am a big advocate for accountability.
And, a thank you from this nurse – it’s nice to hear good stories about how families are treated by medical professionals.
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Reblogged this on Luxcare Lifestyle Inc..
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Thank you for helping to spread the word! I appreciate you! 🙂
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