Four years ago today, I took my first tiny, shaky steps down the road to recovery from the depression and anxiety that devoured me. As I look over my shoulder, the anxiety and depression no longer are bearing down on me, waiting to pounce again, and there is enough distance between the road I traveled then and the road that I am on now for me to look to the future, not the past. On this unconventional “anniversary”, though, I find myself recalling how I got from there to here and feeling immensely grateful for that journey.
When my world imploded, I had no idea just how many steps it would take to find, get on, and stay on the right path that would lead me out of the suffocating darkness back to the light. There were plenty of proverbial “one step forward and two steps back” moments, and more than once, I wanted to leave the path altogether, never to return, but I didn’t. Through a lot of trial and error, I cobbled together a roadmap of sorts that helped to guide me. Everyone’s journey is unique, and their recovery is, as well, but these are five of the many steps that led me to a better place:
Ask for professional help. My descent into depression and anxiety began well before the actual implosion, but I did not seek out professional help until I could not get out of bed when I was paralyzed emotionally and could not function physically. Finally, I had to admit to myself and to my family and friends that I could not “fix” myself, which is a tough thing for a therapist (that would be me) to admit. I knew what to do, but I just could not do it on my own. So, I sought out the appropriate mental health treatment and immersed myself in it. I had a disastrous experience with the first therapist I saw, but fortunately, I wasn’t deterred and found the right therapist and treatment program for me. This is your mental health and well-being on the line, so, when you ask for help, don’t become helpless in the process. Explore your options, and, if needed, get a second, third, or fourth opinion. Keep seeking out help until you find it!
Develop a strong support system. As important as professional help is when dealing with mental health issues, equally as important are the people in your life who are ready, willing, and able to walk along, what can be a treacherous path to recovery, with you. One of the hardest lessons I learned on my journey is that some of the very people whom I swore would accompany me on this particular journey were among the first to walk away from me, while some people whom I never would have imagined would be my traveling companions appeared on my path when least expected. It is not easy to watch someone struggle with depression and anxiety, but trust me, it is even tougher when you are the one experiencing them. I am eternally grateful for my family and friends who loved and supported me unconditionally along the way, especially when I couldn’t reciprocate. They believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself, and they kept me going when I wanted to give up. I was the only one who had to do the painful work in therapy to begin to heal, but having a strong support system made it bearable and doable. I got by, and continue to get by, with a little, and sometimes a lot of, help from my friends and family.
Move your body. At the height of my anxiety, my body was so tense that it left me feeling in a perpetual state of pain, but I found relief when I would go trail running. As I fled into the woods, I discovered an escape from the physical and emotional pain, and so, I ran. A lot. I found great solace in the mud, sweat, and tears along miles and miles of gorgeous trails that helped lead me “home”. As I ran and did other forms of exercise, I noticed that physical movement both staved off anxiety attacks and helped me to rebound from anxiety attacks, so, I made it a priority.
Explore alternative therapies. In addition to more traditional and conventional forms of treatment for anxiety and depression, I found that acupuncture and Native American healing practices were perfect complements to individual and group therapy. The acupuncturist also brewed a tea from Chinese herbs that I briefly used to decrease my anxiety, and while the taste left much to be desired, it left me in a much desired state of calm. I was willing to do whatever it took, within reason, to feel better, and I was grateful to find these alternative therapies that proved to be effective.
Tap into your creative side. I never have regarded myself as creative, as I reserve that adjective for artists, dancers, photographers, authors, and the like. So, it was quite by surprise that writing became one of the tools in my bag of recovery tricks that I continue to delve into to this day. I loved to write as a little girl, but that passion was forgotten in favor of life’s tasks and responsibilities. It took being broken wide open to unearth this love of writing from a forgotten graveyard of discarded desires and dreams. Once I started publishing my jumbled thoughts and feelings on my personal blog and later on the Kindness Blog, the emotional wounds began to heal, leaving behind beautiful scars as badges of honor for surviving the war within myself. Music also proved to be transformative for me, as I lost myself in the melodies and lyrics that sometimes expressed words and emotions that I could not convey. Other times, music provided me with a much-needed distraction from my chaotic mind. My creativity and the creativity of brilliant singers and songwriters were therapeutic indeed.
I am not in the same place where I began, but this is not the end of the road for me. I no longer am running from something, but rather, I am going toward something. I don’t always know where this path will lead me, but I trust that I will get to where I am meant to be, one step at a time.
This was a very helpful and precisely articulated post. Great tips.
I have also felt that running is amazing. I never did run as I was told I was too fat to do so. But I realised that it didn’t matter. Wishing you all the best on this journey! Stay positive, keep writing and take care! 😀
Thank you so very much for your kind words! I am glad that you, too, have found some freedom and solace in running, and I am even happier that you didn’t let someone else prevent you from doing something that you enjoyed. Keep going, and know that you are never alone!
It’s an interesting thing when a healer gets sick – there is this added dimension of shame, as though you are not allowed to get sick, like it is a personal and professional failure. In fact, this sickness helps you to be a better healer…my naturopath mother who had thyroid disease and now helps many others with that illness, my osteopath uncle who needed a hip replacement….it almost seems part and parcel of your path. So, of course you needed help. I’m so glad you found it. Lovely post.
Sara, thank you so very much for articulating this so beautifully! While I definitely know that I don’t have all of the answers for myself or others, as I continued to spiral, I kept thinking that I should know what to do and delayed getting the help I needed. I just am grateful that I finally got help, and I hope that my experiences can help someone else along the way. Please, know that your kindness definitely made my day better, and I, again, thank you!
Kristi, thank you for the experienced advice for many. You are a credit to many and the fact you overcame your challenges make your opinions matter even more to those who have similar hurdles. All the best, BTG
I cannot thank you enough for such kind words and high praise. It makes sharing my story all the more worthwhile, and while I still have challenges, they are fewer and easier to manage now. I am glad that I am not alone in this, and your support is truly appreciated!
These words speak to me in the deepest way. In my 10 year decent into depression and anxiety I did all of these 5 things along my 2 year climb out of it. If you are suffering from depression and anxiety and can’t see a way out know that there is and here is how to do it.
Thank you so much for sharing this, and I am glad that you found your way out of the abyss of depression and anxiety, as well. I hope that we can help others find their way, as well.
Your story touched my heart so deeply as I too have walked in your shoes. I too wanted more than a few times to leave what I believed was a never ending dark path into where ever it was I was being drawn into. Not knowing I had PTSD (and discovering I was bi-polar) from a very dysfunctional childhood I believed what I was feeling was normal and continued to spin more and more out of control. It was not until I was in my late 30’s when I finally broke and didn’t know how to fix it. There were many days I was very angry because people kept interfering with my life and keeping me from finding the end of that very dark path. I found a doctor who put me on meds and kept me alive and then I found the most amazing therapist and she saved my life!!! I will always be in debt to her for helping finally realize what I had lived when I was younger was not the way most people lived. She helped me realize that I was important, that I was worthy of being alive, that everything that went wrong was not my fault and most of all she taught me that it was okay to love someone and not experience physical and emotional pain from them just because I loved them. At this point in my life I am so blessed to be here, alive and loving life. How sad it would have been if I did find the end to that dark path and miss out watching my children grow up to be such amazing adults with such kind and loving hearts. I too am not the same person I was when I started this journey as I now love myself and now believe it was important that I was placed here on this earth as I know I have, in some way, made a difference in the life of one or two other people!! My therapist was and still is my guardian angel – One step and one day at a time!! May G-d bless you and keep you strong and safe always!
Heartfelt thanks for sharing your story. I am so glad that you fought back and found the help that helped to see you through the darkness and back into the light, and I hope that you always know that you matter and are worthy of all the goodness that life has to offer. You are not alone ever.
Kindness Blog 
Reblogged this on That's Another Story.
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This was a very helpful and precisely articulated post. Great tips.
I have also felt that running is amazing. I never did run as I was told I was too fat to do so. But I realised that it didn’t matter. Wishing you all the best on this journey! Stay positive, keep writing and take care! 😀
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Thank you so very much for your kind words! I am glad that you, too, have found some freedom and solace in running, and I am even happier that you didn’t let someone else prevent you from doing something that you enjoyed. Keep going, and know that you are never alone!
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Reblogged this on Her Sabbatical and commented:
While I am away, here is a wonderful post about recovering from that point where you reach that crossroads. Enjoy.
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Heartfelt thanks for sharing this!
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It’s a wonderful piece 🙂
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Your compliment really does mean a lot to me, and I thank you so much!
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It’s an interesting thing when a healer gets sick – there is this added dimension of shame, as though you are not allowed to get sick, like it is a personal and professional failure. In fact, this sickness helps you to be a better healer…my naturopath mother who had thyroid disease and now helps many others with that illness, my osteopath uncle who needed a hip replacement….it almost seems part and parcel of your path. So, of course you needed help. I’m so glad you found it. Lovely post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sara, thank you so very much for articulating this so beautifully! While I definitely know that I don’t have all of the answers for myself or others, as I continued to spiral, I kept thinking that I should know what to do and delayed getting the help I needed. I just am grateful that I finally got help, and I hope that my experiences can help someone else along the way. Please, know that your kindness definitely made my day better, and I, again, thank you!
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I am so glad 🙂
We all need help to heal at times, even healers!
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Reblogged this on akholisticfitness.
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Thank you very much for reblogging this!
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Kristi, thank you for the experienced advice for many. You are a credit to many and the fact you overcame your challenges make your opinions matter even more to those who have similar hurdles. All the best, BTG
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I cannot thank you enough for such kind words and high praise. It makes sharing my story all the more worthwhile, and while I still have challenges, they are fewer and easier to manage now. I am glad that I am not alone in this, and your support is truly appreciated!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on The Boy Who Couldn't Smile and commented:
These words speak to me in the deepest way. In my 10 year decent into depression and anxiety I did all of these 5 things along my 2 year climb out of it. If you are suffering from depression and anxiety and can’t see a way out know that there is and here is how to do it.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much for sharing this, and I am glad that you found your way out of the abyss of depression and anxiety, as well. I hope that we can help others find their way, as well.
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Your story touched my heart so deeply as I too have walked in your shoes. I too wanted more than a few times to leave what I believed was a never ending dark path into where ever it was I was being drawn into. Not knowing I had PTSD (and discovering I was bi-polar) from a very dysfunctional childhood I believed what I was feeling was normal and continued to spin more and more out of control. It was not until I was in my late 30’s when I finally broke and didn’t know how to fix it. There were many days I was very angry because people kept interfering with my life and keeping me from finding the end of that very dark path. I found a doctor who put me on meds and kept me alive and then I found the most amazing therapist and she saved my life!!! I will always be in debt to her for helping finally realize what I had lived when I was younger was not the way most people lived. She helped me realize that I was important, that I was worthy of being alive, that everything that went wrong was not my fault and most of all she taught me that it was okay to love someone and not experience physical and emotional pain from them just because I loved them. At this point in my life I am so blessed to be here, alive and loving life. How sad it would have been if I did find the end to that dark path and miss out watching my children grow up to be such amazing adults with such kind and loving hearts. I too am not the same person I was when I started this journey as I now love myself and now believe it was important that I was placed here on this earth as I know I have, in some way, made a difference in the life of one or two other people!! My therapist was and still is my guardian angel – One step and one day at a time!! May G-d bless you and keep you strong and safe always!
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Heartfelt thanks for sharing your story. I am so glad that you fought back and found the help that helped to see you through the darkness and back into the light, and I hope that you always know that you matter and are worthy of all the goodness that life has to offer. You are not alone ever.
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A very good article…i know what anxiety emana from my own experience…Take care!
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Thank you for the compliment, and I hope your anxiety has lessened and am sending you positive thoughts!
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I am ok now thanks God!
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I am happy to hear that!
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Beautifully written ❤ Good luck on your further path ❤
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Many thanks for such kind words!
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