The Old Woman I Will Be – By Nancy Roman

Articles Submitted by Guest Authors, Kindness 23 comments

Another birthday.

A big one. 65.

Over the last few weeks, I have been preoccupied with the significance of 65.

Two thirds of my life is behind me. Maybe more. Do I have 30 years left? What if it is only 10?

I’ve wasted a lot of time in 65 years.  

John Lennon said,

“Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”

But have I enjoyed it? It’s gone now… all those hours waiting for boys to call or vegging in front of TV or playing online games or shopping for shit that I hardly ever wear. I can’t get those hours back.

But I want to make the most of whatever time I have left – and to enjoy that time. Maybe that still means television and shopping. But maybe not.

I will soon (not quite yet) be an old woman.

I’ve been asking myself:

What kind of old woman do I want to be?

I’ve haven’t decided, but I know a few things.

For one thing, I always thought it would be a relief to be old, and no longer concerned about my appearance. Not true. I care.

I want to always care. How I look on the outside impacts how I feel about myself. This has always been true, and in the past, it was often in a negative way.  I never even felt pretty until I turned sixty. But surprisingly I found I liked my sixty-year-old looks. And at 65, I feel quite beautiful. That’s such a lovely feeling. I’m keeping it. I don’t want to look like an old woman trying desperately to be young. But I will be a beautiful old woman, with good hair and makeup and carefully chosen clothes.

I want to be a smart old woman. I’ll stay interested in politics and the environment and literature and the arts. My father suffered from mild dementia late in life, and I recognize that could happen to me too. If it does, I hope people will be as kind to me as they were to my dad. Maybe I will at least be lucky enough to stay smart in something. My father could still follow the football game. If I can still read a book, I will be happy enough.

Some people tell me they look forward to the freedom to be outspoken. But I come from a long line of non-boat rockers. (Or is it boat non-rockers?)  Either way, I’m not sure I would be happy as a crotchety old lady. I like being a nice person. I don’t even have a resting bitch-face.

But I do think I will let go of caring so much what other people think of me.

I have long been distressed when I find someone doesn’t like me. Even to be disagreed with is tragic to me. But I am well on my way to getting past it. Right now I am working with someone who very obviously dislikes me. And you know what? It doesn’t matter that much. I don’t have to win her over.

I do want, however, to ask for what I want. As a boat non-rocker, I have always had a difficult time expressing my desires. I always do what everyone else wants to do. I’ve acquiesced so long it’s hard to even know what I want. I remember back in 1976 – forty years ago. I was 25 and Dorothy Hamill had charmed the country at the Winter Olympics. I very badly coveted her hairdo.

I went to the salon, and the hairdresser said,

“How about if I give you a Dorothy Hamill haircut?”

And I said,

“I don’t know. I’m not sure I’d look good in that style,”

and he cut my hair differently.

Differently and Badly. What the hell was wrong with me? This guy was offering me exactly what I wanted, and I turned it down? That stupid little incident haunts me. And I have not changed much. I can’t tell my friends what restaurant I want to go to. I can’t tell my boss that I deserve a raise. I can’t tell my husband what I want for my birthday.

I want to hug and kiss everyone more. I’m a very restrained person. I love my family and friends, but it is difficult for me to be openly demonstrative. But these last few months I’ve changed my mind. It’s my puppy. I love to hug him. He loves me to hug him. Shit, if a dog feels that way, imagine human beings. We all need affection. I’m giving it.

I was at a family party this weekend, and I went around the house and hugged and kissed everyone there. I kissed my sisters. Do you know how long it has been since I kissed my sisters?

I am going to kiss them all the time.

I’ve been writing this blog for 4 1/2 years. If it’s a waste of time, it’s the best waste of time ever. Does it take me away from working more on my second novel? Yes. Writing a novel is so solitary. And I am a solitary person by nature. So I love that. But my blog is social. I write and people respond. It’s like getting hugs back. I need that too.

And about my blog: every year on my birthday, I post a new photo. Unretouched. (Although I’m tempted.) But I want to show people – especially younger people – that being old is not so bad.

In fact it’s pretty good.

me-2-7-16-r

Me – 65 (February 9, 2016)

Author Bio:

Nancy Roman is a sixty-something English major who ended up (by the desire not to starve) with an MBA. While maintaining a long and successful career in Finance, she returned to writing a few years ago. Her essay “My Perfect Mess” was included in Marlo Thomas’ collection, “The Right Words At The Right Time, Volume II.”

Roman recently published her debut novel, “Just What I Always Wanted,” available on Amazon. In her popular blog, “Not Quite Old”, she writes lighthearted memories of childhood, the silly side of marriage, and her admittedly hopeless attempts to stay as young as possible.

23 comments

  1. What a truly inspiring, insightful, & delightful post! I don’t think I could have smiled more even if I tried! Thank you! And my dear, what a beautiful woman you are, clearly inside and out! Cher xo

    Liked by 2 people

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  3. Happy birthday, Nancy! I too will be 65 in July, and your wonderful and thoughtful post echoes my own feelings about age. I celebrate my silver hairs, my laugh lines and even my sagging neck. My hair style is exactly what I love–good-looking and easy to maintain, minimal (but GOOD) makeup, clothes that are comfortable and look well on me, and so on.

    Nearly every line of your post made me nod my head and say, “Me. too!”

    Here’s to the fabulous age of 65–however long or short the years after may be, they will be GOOD years. In fact, tomorrow my second granddaughter is due to be born. Her nearly five-year old big sister can’t wait to meet her, and neither can I. Life is good, and life beyond 65 is going to be EPIC!

    Best,

    Jane

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Happy Birthday. I have a favorite bit of conversation on aging. It s from the dream sequence of George Bernard Shaw’s “Man and Superman”, the part also known as “Don Juan In Hell.” Setting the scene, Juan has been finding solitude in the outer reaches of Hell and an old woman arrives. He is explaining the ways of the place to her, including that old age is not tolerated and she can appear as any chosen age. They have not recognized each other yet. She is Anna, whose father’s statue sent him to Hell on account of his advances toward her in the opera.

    THE OLD WOMAN: How can I help my age , man?
    DON JUAN: You forget that you have left age behind you in the realm of time. You are no more 77 than you are 7 or 17 or 27.
    THE OLD WOMAN: Nonsense.
    DON JUAN: Consider, Senora; was not this true even when you lived on earth? When you were 70, were you really older underneath your wrinkles and your gray hairs than when you were 30?
    THE OLD WOMAN: No, younger; at 30 I was a fool.

    Liked by 2 people

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  6. I can’t resist another favorite:

    When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
    With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
    And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
    And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
    I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
    And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
    And run my stick along the public railings
    And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

    From: “Warning” by Jenny Joseph

    Liked by 4 people

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  8. I enjoyed your honest and humorous post I’m turning 67 this month but still feel very young inside. It’s not over ’til the fat lady sings. And I totally agree about looking your best, etc., although I will admit to having a little botox now and then. N.

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  11. Beautiful post….you deserve to feel free and unrestrained. I am glad you are making these changes. They will make a difference not only for you but those around you. Happy belated birthday to you! Thank you for sharing this. You are lovely.

    Liked by 1 person

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  15. Older? We always say, “Think of the alternative! Big hugs to you! Hey, Bobcabking up there was hot that day, no? A birthday gift for you! If the soul is immortal, is it not so always? Is eternal not also now? And so we are indeed always the same, but its just too hard to think, cause we are also becoming this same thing! Pretty weird! And Happy belated Birthday! Get back to writing-MM

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  17. I loved this!! having just turned the big 6-0 last week, your words rang true for me….I have not minded getting older because frankly….I can’t remember my age half the time!!! The most important thing is just what you said about wasting time….nothing is a waste if you are happy doing what you do. Looking forward to reading more!!!

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