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Wisdom From an Old Father: “Mind Time” ~ By Denis Ian

Kindness, Life Reflections, Parenting 26 comments

I’m an old father now. Suddenly it seems.

My sons have sons. I own lots of memories. I polish the sweet ones and never dust the ones that hurt.

I mind time now. I didn’t used to. In fact, like lots of you, I was reckless with time. Not any longer.

When I was a boy of about 9 or so, I had the temporary misfortune of being the last to the dinner table … and that meant sitting just to the left of my father. That was like sitting next to the district attorney … or the pope. My brothers loved my dilemma … because that’s what brothers do. It’s in the Irish Manual of Life.

So … there I was … waiting for my moment of challenge. The knives were clanging plates and there were two or three different conversations happening around this table with the fat legs. Someone mentioned that my grandfather had a birthday in a few days … and that little-bitty mention sprung my father’s mind.

“So, young Denis” said my father, “ how long would you like to live? What is a good, long life?”

Right off the bat I’m thinking this is a trick question … because my father was never familiar with the obvious. So, there I sat … and my brothers had caught wind of my dinner-table distress … and they were loving every minute of it.

Meanwhile, my father was sipping his usual cocktail and pushing some food around his plate … which means he’s kinda waiting for an answer … to the trick question. And I don’t have much in the way of trick answers … because … I’m nine. Gimme a break.

After several long minutes he leaned over and asked,

“And?”

I went full-out bravado … more for my brothers than for any other reason. I gotta live in this family after all, right?

Strong is the key. Trust me.

“Seventy. Seventy years old is a good, long life.”

I was so pleased with my answer, I smirked at every guy at the table … until I noticed that my father was completely unimpressed … still sitting there … at the head of the table … playing fork-hockey with his peas.

And me? I’m waitin’ for a sign … any sign! … that my skinny answer is sufficiently smart. I’m dreaming of the big back-slap … or even the dreaded hair-muss.

There was none.

In fact, it seemed I was completely off his radar for a long moment.

I shouldn’t have been surprised. My father didn’t do that sort of stuff. I must’ve had him confused with my best friend’s father … who was really normal.

After a few long minutes, he clasped his hands and leaned over toward me. And then the verdict.

“You’re a silly boy.”

Mind you … he said it softly. No mocking at all. Just a soft, blunt statement … designed to make me think all over again. To spin my brain-gears a bit more. And I did. Even my brothers were cranking their brains. I think that was part of my father’s strategy … to make the moment belong to everyone. To glue everyone into the lesson.

Then he leaned over once again … and in a loud whisper … so all could hear … he said …

“If you live to be seventy … you will have lived just 840 months. Does that seem long enough for you?”

And, of course, it didn’t then … and it doesn’t now. And I learned the lesson he intended me to learn … to be careful with numbers and to respect time. And to not waste time … or let others waste my time.

So, from this old father … to you young fathers and young mothers … mind the time.

Mind those sweet moments with your children and seldom say “Hurry up!”. Don’t wish for anything except this moment.

Leave tomorrow alone. Tend to today.

Don’t let anyone hurry your child.

Don’t let anyone sandpaper their softest years with grit or rigor … because there’s plenty of that stuff in the eight hundred months ahead.

Don’t let anyone run innocence out of your child’s life. It has its own cadence and rhythm … and it’s plenty fast enough.

Don’t let others spin those clock hands faster than they already spin.

Mind the numbers in your life as never before. Pay as much attention to the little moments as you do the big moments.

Remind yourself that a five-year old is sixty months on this planet. Less than 2,000 days old.

They’re still brand new people!

No one has the right to whisper anything about college or careers to a child determined to conquer the monkey bars. All adults should respect the Law of the Chair … if a child’s legs do not reach the floor … well … they are reality-exempt.

That eight year old … the one who sleeps in his Little League uniform? He’s a third grader. Not yet 100 months old. Let that sink in. Why is he rip-roaring mad at himself over some junk-test? That’s not the worry of an 8 year old. He should be anxious about base hits … not base line scores. His only career thought is what professional team to sign with … and that’s heavy enough.

That music-blasting “tween” is maybe 150 months old. At that age their job is to not walk into door jambs … and to try to put a lid on some hormone havoc.

They’re still closer to babyhood than adulthood.

Why do we let schools bum-rush them into anxiety-hell over tests? Mother Nature has already over-supplied them with all the anxiety they can barely handle. Why don’t we just lay off ‘em … and let ‘em outgrow this messy moment? It’s bad enough as it is … leave it be.

I’m glad my father cured me from becoming number-numb.

My hot-seat moment has served me well for … for lots of months. Maybe this will shake up your consciousness … and slow you down some. And maybe … maybe you won’t say “Hurry up!” quite so often. And perhaps you’ll remind that school to slow down … that there are children on board … and they are entitled to every last drop of innocence.

Don’t let them tug your child into their warped world. If they think education is all about numbers, well, they’ve already forfeited their privilege to enjoy your child. They’re just as silly as I was … but I was only about a hundred months old. What’s their excuse?

Mind time.

This was written by father, grandfather, and education activist, Denis Ian.

26 comments

  7. Do you ever notice how the minutes every day race by when we’re not even paying attention?

    Whenever I walk by the clock in my home, I hear the tick tock of hands that are always moving.

    A few days ago, when I was taking a picture of my sweet little son, I had a flash of how quickly the months are passing. It seems like yesterday we were making out our summer fun list and here it is almost mid August already. How does that even happen?

    Sometimes I want to jump up and down on the brakes of time! I want to holler at the top of my lungs, “Time, aren’t you tired of running so fast? How about sitting yourself down for awhile? Take a load off, get some rest.”

    Yet time doesn’t grab for the chair and the days keep ticking away…

    Enter this story.

    The photo caught my eye, then the title. I guess I’m at a stage in my life that if someone is willing to offer a bit of wisdom, I pay attention.

    A few words in, I was glued to it. The author definitely has a way with words about life and the concept of time.

    Before I even got to the end, I knew you’d love it and would want to read it, too.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. Reblogged this on Unmeasured Journeys and commented:

    Do you ever notice how the minutes every day race by when we’re not even paying attention?

    Whenever I walk by the clock in my home, I hear the tick tock of hands that are always moving.

    A few days ago, when I was taking a picture of my sweet little son, I had a flash of how quickly the months are passing. It seems like yesterday we were making our summer fun list and here it is almost mid August. How does that even happen?

    Sometimes I want to jump up and down on the brakes of time. I want to holler at the tops of my lungs, “Time, aren’t you tired of running so fast? How about sitting yourself down for awhile? Take a load off, get some rest.”

    Yet time doesn’t grab for the chair and the days keep ticking away…

    Enter this story.

    The photo caught my eye, then the title. I guess I’m at a stage in my life that if someone is willing to offer a bit of wisdom, I pay attention.

    A few words in, I was glued to it. The author definitely has a way with words about life and the concept of time.

    Before I even got to the end, I knew you’d love it and would want to read it, too.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  9. WOW awesome post. When we are younger we don’t realize how fast time goes, always in a hurry to get on to the next adventure, when we’re older there’s nothing we love more than cherishing the moments.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. Reblogged this on Red Said What? and commented:

    DENIS IAN SAID WHAT?…Mind Time

    Denis Ian is a father, grandfather and education activist. He does not appear have his own blog, but I’ve read his piece on 4 different ones so far. And it’s a keeper.

    Here are Denis’s thoughts about hurrying up, slowing down, the value of time and the expectations we have for children and ourselves with each passing year.

    I’m already anxious about what to expect from Bubbe, Skootch and myself as we start to gear up for September. So thank you, Dennis for this beautiful math lesson.

    Like

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  13. Pingback: Thought-Provoking Posts I Have To Share – Jo Robin Blog

  14. Loved it. Daily I wish I had life to live over again…not all of it…just the years with my kids. We were all part of an abusive nightmare and their innocent years…the years I will never get back are gone. Thank you for your post. In His Name…….

    Like

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  15. Reblogged this on education pathways and commented:

    DON’T RUSH KIDS! This is a great post, but if you are pushed for time, start reading where the blue letters say “mind those sweet moments…” And read to the end. It is an excellent passage–especially if you have anything to do with kids (parents, teachers, grandparents, etc)

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