He’s Not Scary, He’s a Little Boy
by AliceAnn Meyer
We’ve had some encounters recently that have inspired me to write this post. This is something I hope everyone reads and shares. This is a message that doesn’t just pertain to my son Jameson, but to all children who are made fun of and singled out for their differences; and I am pretty sure their parents feel the same way I do.
I want to begin by saying that I don’t hold anything against these children, or their parents. I understand that it can be extremely awkward when your child is the one making fun or being mean to another child. But, the next time this happens I hope these parents do more. Because although I cannot take offense, I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. It does. It hurts to see my child be made fun of, knowing that this will be a big part of his world the rest of his life.
By now you might be wondering what happened to prompt these words. Nothing has happened that hasn’t happened before, and sadly that won’t happen again. But, for some reason, it has just happened a lot in the last few weeks.
We recently moved to a new town, and our oldest is in 1st grade. The second week of school there was an open house to see the school and meet his teacher. The entire school, K-5th grade, was corralled in the cafeteria to listen to opening remarks and welcomes. As we were walking into the crowded cafeteria we were immediately greeted by a little boy who pointed at Jameson, nudged his mother, and said he looked funny. We paid no mind and continued to walk through the cafeteria looking for a spot to sit down. Shortly after we sat down two little girls and their mother sat across from us. One little girl looked at us, turned to her mother and said “He looks scary,” pointing to Jameson. Her mother told her that wasn’t nice to say, and turned around.
Last weekend, in the grocery store with my two boys, a mother and her son are walking down the aisle towards us. I see the little boy look up; I smile at him. He starts to laugh, and tells his mom, “Look mom, that baby looks funny,” laughing. I look at his mother and she cannot even muster a word, her jaw hanging open.
As a parent I have been in situations where my child has done or said something inappropriate, so I understand the embarrassment. I also understand that these children are not to blame. Think about it, we teach them from birth to single things out. Put a bunch of red blocks together, sneak a green one in, and them tell them to look for the green one, the different one. Sort the shapes that only fit through the right hole. You’ll never fit a round peg in a square hole. The round one is wrong. It’s OK to notice differences. That’s how we identify one thing from another. We teach what is by teaching what isn’t. But these are objects. We can single them out and choose the right one, the one that fits in. We can’t do this to people; to children.
As a mother of a child who looks different, this is my plea to you:
If you are the parent whose child says another child looks funny or scary, don’t simply say, “That isn’t a nice thing to say.” While you are right, it’s not nice, simply saying that and walking away still isolates my child. The next time follow that statement up and tell your child, “I’m sure he’s a very nice boy, let’s go meet him.” Please, come introduce yourself and ask my child’s name. I assure you, we don’t bite! My child is just like yours; he can be sweet, loving, throw temper tantrums, and be a handful. And I assure you, I am just like you; I am a parent learning my way through this.
If your child is curious and doesn’t say anything mean but still notices he looks different, please, introduce yourself to us, ask us our names! Include my child in your world. I promise you, he’s not scary, he’s just a little boy.
To all the parents and children out there who already practice this, and to those who have purposely made a point to brighten Jameson’s day when we have crossed paths: Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I can honestly tell you I can remember vividly each encounter where a stranger has made a conscious effort to want to know Jameson and include him in their world. And I can bet he does too. My 6-year-old amazes me when I hear him recount a memory from when he was 3 years old, so I am sure Jameson remembers the same.
I mean seriously, how mean does this happy face covered in S’mores look?!
Alice wrote:
The Jameson’s Journey blog was created for our son Jameson. He was born with syndromic craniosynostosis. Jameson has a very rare disorder, and we are currently waiting for his test results to come back, but we believe he has Pfeiffer Syndrome.
Jameson was born January 7, 2012. I had a completely normal pregnancy and we weren’t expecting anything other than a 100% completely normal baby. To say we were surprised is an understatement. I never once in my life imagined I would be the mother of a child with craniosynostosis. But in the few short weeks I have gotten to know the dear, sweet soul that is Jameson I now can’t imagine my life without him. Jameson was born into a very loving family, he has an older brother that is already protective over him and a mommy and daddy who love him dearly. Not to mention the numerous cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents that love him!
We have already learned so much about Jameson’s condition, something I honestly knew nothing about 3 weeks ago. We hope that sharing our experience and Jameson’s journey throughout this process will help other families and children in similar situations as well as to help educate and spread awareness as we ourselves continue to learn along the way.
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Good post. How true it is that children just blurt out what they think. I still remember my son the first time he saw an African, he pointed and yelled, “mummy look! What’s wrong with that man he’s black all over?!” He was 5 with a heart of gold, but having lived in Japan he’d never seen an African before (we were visiting Hong Kong) – thankfully the guy had a good sense of humor! A few minutes later it was followed by, “Why does that lady have a ring through her nose like a pig?” (His first traditionally robed Indian – oh my!)
It’s up to us to teach them these things often they just don’t realize the hurt they cause. I’m glad this boy has a loving family, in China such a child would generally be sent to a home or even abandoned for fear of shaming his family – so sad!
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Reblogged this on MrMilitantNegro™.
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
Just a little boy …. who is different!
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I have felt the pain of being different also. It’s freakin’ hard, I’ve been trying to teach my kids that just because someone doesn’t like us, or rejects us, doesn’t mean we have to stop loving them and start hating them. I feel like you have to break that cycle somewhere. I try to reinforce empathy when my kids seem to be lacking it. It does take more work than simply telling them not to say mean things to others.
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This is so true and such a lovely way to make people aware of the difficult world kids who are different live in. I am actually moved to tears right now. I taught little kids and they can be super cruel to the little one that is different or who just likes something they dont. It always upsets me a lot and I think all parents should read this and teach their kids to accept different people and to not point it out or make fun of them.
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This is beautifully written, Alice Ann. Thank you for reminding me that God makes us all with a purpose. I love the picture of Jameson with s’mores all over his mouth. I can see a little mischief in his eyes. I am glad that you suggest that people bring their children up to meet him. My kiddos are grown with grown children of their own now, but I am taking that bit of advice for my own. In the future, I shall go introduce myself and meet the one, anyone, who seems different. Thanks for sharing your heart.
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Reblogged this on Conisong and commented:
Please look at this face. Look into the eyes of this little guy and then read about Jameson.
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Reblogged this on Zingara and commented:
J’ ai été très touchée part cet article… Et vous ?
Je vous souhaite une douce soirée les filles 🙂
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Life is full of surprisingly good things. It is sad that people sometimes can’t understand that what is on the outside sometimes isn’t on the inside.
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So true…
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I was very touched by this post. A great adjustment for the whole family when a baby arrives and is not exactly what one expected. Patience and love are the antidotes to conquer the outside waves of misunderstanding.
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Reblogged this on scrapperjudedesigns and commented:
I just had to reblog this post. Jason was a victim of people staring at him, looks of disgust because he made loud sounds and people purposely walking away from him as if they would actually catch what he had. I even had a family member do this as well.
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A great post. Your son is beautiful! I was a mother of a special needs child and I can definitely relate. I reblogged in order to help spread disability awareness.
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Thank you for sharing 🙂
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Reblogged this on The Boy Who Couldn't Smile and commented:
We are often too quick to judge people by their outward appearance. What really counts is what a person is inside, and that takes time, openness and an unconditional love of our fellow human beings to know.
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Jameson is a full-out cutie-pie!!! I love your approach to anyone who may appear to be “different”—just go up and meet him/her. This is such a wonderful post, and your boy is amazing.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post with us all.
Jane
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