Exposed by My Children for What I Really Look Like – by Bridgette

mother at the beach

Flipping through the pictures on my phone, I see it.

My first reaction is shock. Who took this hideous picture of me?

Self-loathing and disgust swell up and threaten to bring me to tears.

Just as I am about to hit delete, my boy walks in the room.

“Do you know anything about this picture?” I ask him.

I turn the screen so he can see it. He smiles huge.

“I took that of you in Tahoe,” he says. “You looked so beautiful laying there. I couldn’t help it mom.”

“You need to ask me before using my phone to take pictures,” I say.

“I know,” he says. “But mom, seriously, look how pretty you look?”

I look at the picture again and try to see what he sees.

My daughter walks over and takes a look.

“That could be a postcard mom,” she says smiling. “You’re so beautiful. I love it.”

I take a deep breath.

This is exactly what I needed.

My default mode is to see and focus on the flaws and imperfections.

I’m starting to see a bit more.

I still see my dimply, fat thighs.

I also see a mom collapsed on the shore that just explored the lake for hours with her children.

I still see chubby arms.

I also see the arms of a mom that just helped her kids across the rocks and hot sand so their feet wouldn’t hurt.

I still see a fat woman wearing a black dress bathing suit to try to hide her weight issue.

I also see an adventurous mom that loves her children something fierce.

Like many women, I have struggled with my weight most of my life. It’s not something that will ever go away for me. I don’t have a naturally slim body. Never have.

Right now I’m the heaviest I’ve been in 10 years. Yet…

I have not let my weight stop me this time. I am wearing tank tops, sundresses and bathing suits in public. I’m running around playing with my kids this summer and I sometimes even feel attractive.

Yes. You heard me.

“I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty, and witty and bright.”

Well…not exactly. But something like that.

Is it because I’m getting older? Is it that I have more to worry about than just how I look? Or maybe it’s because my kids look at me with such adoring eyes.

Really, it doesn’t matter.

I don’t hate my body anymore.

That’s huge for me to admit and hard to even wrap my mind around.

I’m not giving up on exercising and getting healthy. Those are things I will continue to strive for because I want to be around awhile.

Right now though, I just want to love my body where it is. I want it to be OK to see myself the way my kids do.

Thank you kids.

mother at the beach* Here is another “secret” picture the kids took of me on our day trip to the beach.


Bridgette TalesBridgette is a stay-at-home mother of two. She lives in suburbia, drives an SUV and her hubby drives a VW Rabbit he converted to an electric car (so they cancel each other out, right?) She drives her kids halfway across the country to school each day so they can attend a free charter Waldorf school. She adores the curriculum and believes that everyone should have access to such a beautiful, creative way to learn. Bridgette is an advocate of conscience parenting and believes in the saying, “it takes a village to raise a child.” She tries to surround herself with mothers that are like-minded and supportive of the way she’s raising her babes. She loves adventure and storytelling. So feel free to stop by her blog and share a story or two. Bridgette loves hearing from people, so feel free to comment or contact her directly at bridgettetales@gmail.com


 

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26 thoughts on “Exposed by My Children for What I Really Look Like – by Bridgette

  1. I saw what you saw. As you continued to write, the critical voice in my brain began to get pummeled by the intensity of the hugs my heart was receiving. By the end of your post, my heart was a huge, alive, pulsing entity – filled with affirming life!

    I look a lot like you, physically. I look a lot like you, emotionally.

    I hug you for this. 🙂

    Liked by 5 people

  2. This was lovely. So often we forget to speak kindly to and about ourselves. If we said to our friends the things we say to ourselves, we wouldn’t have any friends. What’s that line from “The Help?”—” You is strong. You is kind. You is important.”
    PS: I live 45 minutes fro Lake Tahoe.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Just loved this – brought tears. If you ever need a little inspiration to keep you on track with your health, just let me know. And know that what you already have is beautiful enough. Keep enjoying the sun 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Thank you so very much for your post. I am experiencing similar feelings now being in a body 50 pounds heavier than I’ve been in the last 5 years ( back issues, surgery, unable to exercise enough and over medicating with food)… I’m trying to love me just the same. I have a fiancé that loves every inch of my voluptuous self however I have to be comfortable in my own skin too. Your post helped me re calibrate what is important; I’m healthy, loving, kind and contribute to the light and love in our world. And there’s more of me right now…
    Bless you for your honesty; you are a hero!
    Xo

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Wow what a brave and beautiful post (even the comments were so great that I kept liking more.I loved the one, “We should forget what we are told for years and decades but rather should start to see the world and ourselves again through the eyes of children!” which seemed to sum it up. Though I’m not particularly big age tends to have the same effect when looking at photos. Thanks for posting!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Thanks for sharing this. It’s encouraging. As a 66year old woman who has lost a lot of weight but has legs swollen at ankles and knees, who hides her legs completely, afraid to be seen, I find this very encouraging. And yes, you are as beautiful as your children see you to be ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Good for you! Its all too easy for us to forget we need to love ourselves in the midst of self-criticism, and we are our worst critics. Congrats on raising kids with kindness & compassion!

    Like

  8. Love Love Love! I’m posting this on my cancer survivors page because so many women just focus on their scars and body image. I’m hoping this will bring them a new perspective! Thank you! You are beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s a lovely pose, relaxed in the warm sunshine, a body that bore children, lovely children too by the sound of it. I would say beautiful. It’s a body that tells a story too. A lovely posting.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. When I used to ask my wife when my thinning hair was more obvious, “will you love me when I a bald?” she answered, “yes, but hair would be nice.” When I commented to my friend about how good Tina Turner looked at her age and hoped I would look that good then, he said, “you don’t look that good now.”

    All this stuff is relative and I have learned at age 56 that we should try to be the best person we can be and treat others like we want to be treated. That is more important that the outside look. We are all fixer uppers and we should be in reasonable shape that makes us feel OK about ourselves, but do not fret too much over how we look. Of course, I recognize as a man, we fret less on how we look to begin with.

    Your kids are terrific and this is a great story. Raising good kids is the more important task in the big scheme of things. So, well done. BTG

    Liked by 1 person

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