In a Sea of Grief, KINDNESS Became My Life Jacket
Submitted by Kathy of Grietgrief.com
He didn’t kiss me goodbye in the morning, believing that it was too early (4 a.m.) to wake me up. Who could imagine that later that afternoon, I would be kissing him, in the emergency room of our local hospital and his lips would be cold? My 36 yr. old husband, dead from a head injury at work, leaving me a 29-year-old widow and the single parent of our two-year-old.
Kindness came calling in the form of funeral flowers, arrangements reflecting his love of the outdoors. Stories shared of how he touched friends lives came to me in cards sent and memorials given to support our young child.
I will never forget the primary-colored wood pull-toy that was given to my son by a co-worker during the visitation at the funeral home; the train occupying him so that I could visit. The huge wicker basket of snack foods and toddler treats brought to my home, the chocolate cheese cake that seemed to be the only thing I could slide down my throat in those early days.
Angels came in all shapes and sizes and often wore the faces of those least expected. The most helpful were those who didn’t need to talk, who opened their arms to hold me up and who wiped my tears without needing to “fix me.” The ones who really “got it” were those who came months later, those who acknowledged anniversary dates and his birthday and those not afraid to say Chris’ name.
But the simplest act of kindness came in the form of an open shade and an outdoor light. My neighbor Sally left their light on which faced my bedroom, and left the shade above their kitchen sink up.
She said, “that way you know we are home and that you can call or come over, no matter the time.”
For me the simple, heart-felt, personalized acts of kindness shown to me through family and friends, became my life jacket as I tried to swim through my sea of grief. The impact of these “little things” has stayed with me and sustained me for the last 24 years and whenever anyone else finds themselves walking through grief, I “pay it forward” in many of the same ways!
Having been a nurse, wife and mother – I was the one that did the care-giving, I prided myself in being kind. My time of loss taught me how to be the recipient of many acts of kindness. Kindness that brought sunshine into our darkness, kindness that silently kept hope alive somewhere deep inside.
As the years passed by, as I honored my grief and re-established a new life for myself and my son, it was then that I knew KINDNESS had saved my life!
Nothing prepared me for becoming a 29 yr. old widow and a single parent when my husband of 8 yrs. died in 1990 in a work-related accident. I have spent the years since re-entering life and offering hope to others after loss. My goal is to teach people how to enter into the pain, allow themselves to express whatever emotion arises and to find resources that offer hope in the midst of their darkness. I want YOU to know YOU are NOT alone, there is HELP, there is HOPE!
Kathy.
Websites:
Kindness Blog 
Whoa, freaky pic!
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Rob, freaky yes, but it represents exactly how I felt at the time – like I was drowning but still reaching for any help offered!
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Your story is heartrending…. you were indeed graced with kindness, and I am happy that you have found peace. Blessed be.
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Yes, I have been blessed beyond measure although it is sometimes easier to see many years later versus in the middle of crisis! Thank you for your kind words…
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Grief is global – we all suffer it. I have, my daughter has, and so many of my friends and neighbors have. It is part of life. But, it is how we deal with it that matters, and to greet grief with the acceptance of the kindness of others helps in great measure, Kathy. Thank you for your story. You are a very gracious person. 🙂
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Yes, grief is something humans experience in many different ways, yet the kindness shown to us is the healing balm needed. I am grateful for your kind words and that you liked my story!
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This was bloody great
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Thank you Joanne, glad you enjoyed my story!
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Kathy,
Your story touched my heart deeply. I am so sorry for your loss but I am inspired by how you have poured your heart out to those in similar situations.
My mom died last week at age 84. She had metastatic breast cancer, and after living well with cancer for over 25 years, was in Hospice this September. My 91 year old dad was her main caretaker, and I was caretaker #2. At the funeral and afterwards, we were overwhelmed by the kindness, thoughtfulness and love of so many, which came in the form of hugs, cards, visits, phone calls and flowers.
Everyone said what a light my mom was, which always makes me smile. Dad and I miss her, but we know she is where she wanted to be, and from there is doing all kinds of good work and influencing lives with her teaching. There are happy days and sad days, but we know that we will always have her with us.
The fact is that we in this country do NOT talk enough about dying and death. We fear it and ignore it and try to put it out of our minds, but it is only another process. It’s merely a transition. You, by offering hope and acceptance and how to move forward, are helping and comforting so many (including me). Much good luck in your excellent work, and by blogging your experience here, you are touching many lives who desperately need to hear the hope you offer.
Thank you ,
Jane
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