Be Judgmental About Everything.
by Patrice Ardiere
I was sitting at a dear friend’s house a few weeks back. We were chatting about life, struggles and our personal journeys.
At one point I broke into her train of thought. “Oh my God you are so judgmental!” I blurted out.
“I really love that about you!” I gushed.
“And you,” she chimed in “are also so judgmental and I really love that about you!”
Thunk. We clicked our respective cups to toast each other’s wonderfulness ~ my paper coffee cup and her porcelain tea cup.
Can you imagine what would happen if we had done that on social media or at a local event? The outcry would be deafening with tar and feathers sure to follow.
See, I am a fan of judgment, but often my desire to say so is drowned out by the righteous indignation of those who cannot imagine that anyone would dare judge.
Our world is filled with judgment and a good thing it is too.
- You judge when to progress into the intersection, when to stop or slow down. When to stay off the roads during a snow storm.
- You judge when you are trying to catch the train and some guy in a long dark coat is lurking in and out of the shadows.
- You judge walking to your car in a dark, empty parking lot.
- You judge who watches your kids and what neighborhoods you live in.
- You judge who you date, who you invite into your home, who you open your wallet in front of, make love to and loan your car to.
- You judge every day in a multitude of ways. That is life. That is surviving and although many don’t want you to know it. That is exactly what you should be doing.
I get annoyed with this false advertising because it has more to do with the word “judgment” and nothing to do with the concept. We can call it assessment. We can say its perception or even, e.v.a.l.u.a.t.i.o.n. We just can’t call it judgment.
If I had to choose for people to judge-if harshly at times, or not judge anything or anyone, I promise you, I’ll be on the ‘judge it’ side. Even if it means they judge me and I come up lacking.
Truth be told, we don’t get in trouble for being judgmental. We get in trouble for being fragile, biting, mean and bitter about it. We get in trouble for using our judgment as a weapon; and speaking innuendo and gossip as if it were fact.
She isn’t pretty- she had work done.
He isn’t a good man- he just got lucky with that woman.
Sure she smiles all the time- she’s probably drunk or using drugs.
And when someone turns up hurt or taken advantage of, those same righteous folks who scorned you for being judgmental, they are the first to chastise you and say,
“Didn’t you do your homework?” (judge the situation)
“Didn’t you ask around or come to any decisions about him first?” (judge the person)
“So he called and off you went without holding out for a better man?” (judge yourself)
Where others will say you were too judgmental, I’d say you didn’t judge well enough.
Judgment is not good or bad, but nothing more than a process. We’ve been doing it since the beginning of time. It’s wired in our DNA to notice things. Is it noisy? You will notice when it is suddenly quiet. Is it quiet? You will notice if it is suddenly noisy. And you will judge those situations based on what you know and what you don’t know.
We cup thunkers call that appropriate
If a bear approaches you in the dark outside your garage, I’m betting you will judge it to be dangerous and no one would chastise you for not giving it a chance, getting to know it better or waiting to see if it will pass you by first.
I think in our vigilant efforts to be PC about everything we have lost our edge. It isn’t PC to judge a person. Yet there is no alternative to that process. Everyone can’t be safe, trustworthy, your equal, or reliable. Therefor everyone can’t have claim to your good nature, your loved ones, your affection or your cash.
At some point you have to filter out the people or situations you encounter if only to navigate safely through the day to day.
So judge your environment. Judge the people in it. Judge your choices. And judge what you perceive to be the reality of things as best you can.
If people call you judgmental, well guess what? That is them judging you.
Ironic, now isn’t it?
© Copyright 5/5/2014, PMD. All rights reserved.
Patrice Ardiere’s writing focus is people. She helps her reader realize that he/she is not alone, and has found the hero within. The lasting message that all things have purpose and that my reader has value is the ultimate goal.
Ongoing work is a series of children’s fiction for kids with special needs. The heroine of the first book has Selective Mutism. Additional works will address stuttering, deafness, ADD etc. Currently she is writing the third of six stories for a dragon anthology. We are not dragons, but the reader will find many parallels in that strange yet familiar world that relate to self-esteem, choices, growth, faith, fear and of course… love.