32 thoughts on “To the Woman Who Tutted at Me Using the Disabled Toilets…- by Sam Cleasby

    1. Oh Sam,

      I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’ve known enough folks who had ‘unseen’ disabilities where nosey parkers felt obligated to preach at them because they ASSumed….

      A dear friend of mine has a sister with MS. This lady cannot bend her knees and needs a wheelchair most of the time. When she went into a handicapped stall, a woman rapped imperiously on the door, demanding to know why she was using ‘her’ stall.

      Imperious Woman asked, “Do you have the use of your legs?”
      Sister with MS replied, “No, I don’t.”
      Imperious Woman said, “Well, I only have one leg!”
      Sister with MS said, “Seriously? Because you have one leg that works and I have two that don’t, that somehow makes you MORE handicapped than me??”
      Imperious Woman: “Of course!”

      Unbe-freaking-liveable.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Because you cannot see it, does not mean it is not there. I have scleroderma, my fingers are covered with calcium deposits and they are horribly painful, since you can’t see them (unless you look closely) and they are small, I should not be on disability. Sorry for your experience.

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  2. My deepest sympathy goes out to you my friend. I agree, many folks lack compassion and need a wake up call. I have similar experiences with parking too especially as my disability support does not include a blue badge any more. As you say thoughtless gestures often add to an already humiliating experience.

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  3. people should not have to wear a badge to be treated with respect. Unfortunately some people do not take the time or have the maturity to realize that many disabilities are not visible. My heart goes out to you and your daughter for the embarrassment you must have felt.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hey man, everybody shits! My typical response when facing someone’s uninformed, assumption-based opinion is to counter, “Oh, I’m sorry, how inconsiderate of me. I suppose I was just too busy minding my own fucking business.”

    But, I suppose that is not the “kind” course of action. Thank you for sharing your story so that others might become more enlightened and aware of the plights of our fellow humans!

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  5. Your candidness was awesome! I went from “ignorant” to “well informed” really quickly. That’s a good thing. …the way my day’s been going, a trip to your blog for one of those arse jokes won’t hurt either…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Just reading your write-up here. I am so glad that you spoke up about this, fair play to you. People need to know this, it is amazing though that people are not more sympathetic or sensitive towards each other. Wishing you the best and hope you do not come across more ignorant people.

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  7. I hate that people judge others like this, both my mum and I have disability parking permits because neither of us can walk very far unaided, when I go shopping the first thing I do is get a trolley to support my back while I walk without the trolley by the time I get from the carpark to the shops I am in a great deal of pain and can barely move this is the reason I do not judge you cannot tell my looking always what someones disability is

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  8. We had a similar situation at the DMV. We qualified for a special ticket for a window which served people with disabilities, making the DMV process quicker. When we were called to the counter, the woman serving us was extremely rude to us and made a comment about “abusing the system” under her breath (never mind some of the rude glances from onlookers) until I calmly and quietly explained that my daughter (there for a very necessary photo ID) had an acute/severe mental illness that was cycling and large crowds/noise greatly exacerbated psychosis. She apologized and rushed us through. Thank you for reminding others about invisible disabilities.

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  9. I’m sorry you have to deal with the judgment. i am often misjudged because I have an invisible illness. I guess it is a good thing that people get upset when the handicap restroom or parking space is used by someone who looks “normal” but it doesn’t make it any easier when we are misjudged.

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  10. I was not aware of this kind of suffering. Even so, I don’t think anyone should make remarks about someone using the handicapped accessible stall. If there is not a handicapped person waiting, why should others wait for an ordinary stall when that one is free? It is not the same as a parking space where distance and inability is involved.

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  11. A wonderful article! I too have felt this pain. I have a degenerating spine and severe arthritis, neither of which are visible, but both of which cause incredible pain and difficulty in walking any distance. Even though we have a ticket in the car for parking, we still get smirks and dark stares plenty of times. Thank you for speaking out.

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  12. Even with my walker or wheelchair I get dirty looks as if the fact that I’m… Well, I assume, young and therefore could not have a progressive disease and nobility impairment. I’m becoming more vocal to such people out of frustration now. I love your post and shared it. More people need a clue! Be well, Dani

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