1. Yes, it is important to be assertive and yet kind. Some people, due to how they were brought up do not know the difference of being aggressive and assertive. They think they are frank, candid, but they are not aware that they are being improper. This article reminds me of someone.

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    1. I get that ! LOL I think all of us can think of someone who is frustrating to deal with because they are “in your face” aggressive. You are right that people are not all trained in how to interact with others. Different backgrounds have different effect on how people interact.

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  2. You are so right. My mother-in-law was a very strong personality; I was more passive. I learned I had to be assertive to get her to listen to and respect me. She didn’t mean to run over the top of me, but didn’t react well when I was assertive. Some of that was my fault because I didn’t do it well. But I learned and our relationship got better. Because I learned to be assertive, I earned her respect. I learned not only with her, but the right way to do it with others–applying kindness.

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  3. Annie, this is an excellent reminder to us all. Well done. I like your yes or no answers to highlight. I would add when you are being assertive, you need not raise your voice. Do not label people or a person’s argument with negative terms and do not curse. Many politicians and pundits like to discount others’ arguments through such tactics, meaning it is OK to ignore your argument because you are a tree hugger, e.g. Keep the high road. I have an old colleague who used to ask “help me understand” as a diffusing opening line, placing the lack of understanding on his shoulders. Great post, BTG

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    1. Thank you. These are ideas I have been studying about. I have been the one to get walked over in the past, because I felt like I did not know how to speak up for myself. Whether we are learning to speak up for ourselves and be more assertive or whether we are learning to be assertive rather than aggressive, it takes practice in many situations to get the right balance.

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    1. I have been struggling with that also. That is what motivated me to do the research about this issue. Once I felt a little more confident, as I practiced these things, then I decided to write a post about it. The original research that I did, was to help myself. I could not understand how people I saw standing their ground, were able to not come off as rude. But I saw people do that and I wanted to learn how to have the confidence to do it.

      Practice is easiest in situations that you do not care about very much. Try it somewhere other than work, and other than with people you have to see again, A good situation to practice in would be somewhere that you can act like someone else for 10 minutes. Just pretend you are acting and go into walmart.

      Go up to the counter and ask them about their return policy. Pretend there is something you have at home that you want to bring in to return. Ask them if they will take it without a receipt. Be assertive about the fact that you need to have a working item and the situation needs to be resolved, since you shop here all the time and you would not return something unless there was really a problem with it.

      You will be surprised how people respond to you differently when you talk about the end goal and focus on what you would like done. rather than focusing on your feelings. It is just business and you want to know what their policy is. Also what can they suggest that will be helpful to you. Just ask them to do their job and treat them with respect while you also seem like you deserve respect.

      This kind of practice helped me.

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